I can’t cope

@Captain24 omg!! This is an amazing thing to read, I'm really happy for you!

It makes such a difference to feel like someone is truly in our corner. Your psych is wonderful, no doubt! But the work is all your doing. You can be so proud of yourself for how far you've come!

I really like that phrasing - "maybe eclipse it sometimes, but can't erase". It's part of the whole 'recovery isn't linear' thing. We may regress when under duress, but it won't undo the work we've already done. Sometimes we need to learn a lesson a few times before it really sticks, but every time we do, we become stronger and more capable for it.

I hope you're able to pause, take stock of how far you've come, and maybe even treat yo self!!

Teehee ;) TY for sharing <3

Hey @Jynx

How are you?

She is amazing. I just got that as a random email.

I like the eclipse thing. We talk a lot in analogies and get each other in random things.

I am proud I have worked really hard and been through a lot to get here. I’ve never felt it before and for the first time in a million years I don’t have suicidal thoughts.

Im still struggling at work with extreme RSD but we are working on that.

@Captain24 I'm sorry if I've upset you sweet. I hope you can get a good night's sleep, lots of love and hugs to you ❤️.

@Captain24 I'm doing well!

Flowers starting to bloom. I like winter, but it's nice to be getting some warmer weather.

Wow, no SI is such a massive accomplishment! Feels weird at first hey. But good weird ;)

RSD is a tough one. Definitely related to ADHD I think, and also related to people-pleasing - which is a trauma response. So don't be too hard on yourself if it takes a lot of time to work through, because for a long time it is something that kept you safe.

But you will get there, I know it!

Just saying hi @MissGremlin and sending some soothing vibes your way. I know it's been a real struggle of late, but you are cared for, and have the community here behind you all the way. <3

Hello @Jynx, thankyou sweet ❤️. Really struggling tonight, urges are very strong and it's so hard to fight them when I've got nothing in my tank. I'm safe for the moment, sitting in bed with Casper next to me. I might try to do some diamond art.

@MissGremlin it's hard to run on empty. I wish I had magic words to make it all easier for you.

I hope you've been able to reach out/stay connected along the way, both here and with appropriate services. Just taking it one step at a time, and keeping Casper close too <3

@Jynx I've been doing my best to reach out to services and to stay connected here. Casper doesn't leave my side at the moment, he knows things really aren't ok but I'm doing my best.

Nah. You haven’t upset me. I was just really exhausted and couldn’t really talk. @MissGremlin 

So I’m not really ok today. I’ve called in sick again. This time I haven’t told my parents so they will be on there way around to feed the dogs. I’ve come to a spot along the river to wait until they are done. I’ll give them about an hour.

I knew that they would be talking about R U OK day and it really triggers me the way that people just run around and ask every one if they are ok but not really caring for an answer. Just making a joke of the day.

I probably should have gone as I’m desperate for money. But I feel like my well being is slipping and I need to be careful. I’m tired and low. Just having the trouble of telling myself that the thought of not existing is a just a default thought and not what I really feel. That’s hard though.

I really don’t know what to do with my day. I don’t feel like reaching out to any friends. I kinda just feel like moping around on my lounge alone. I don’t feel like doing anything. Just a whole ball of nothing which I know is not healthy. Not keeping me in my window. This is what work is doing to me but in 5 weeks I’ll be off for a week and on holidays. I guess I just need to focus on that.

Is it silly to call a crisis line when you are no where near crisis but just feel like talking things through?