I can’t cope

It is and making them occasional makes me enjoy them more. @MissGremlin

I burnt half of the top of it so it’s pretty sore! 😂

I’m about to feed the dogs and see how I feel after but I really want to finish this episode of the block that I’m watching.

Dod you get any diamond art done today.

@Captain24 yes that's the good thing about having things like that occasionally.

Ouchies, lucky the tongue is one of the fastest healing organs!

See how you feel after feeding them. I'm sitting in my bed now and hoping to do some diamond art. Just need to keep distracted from doing anything else (I'm safe).

I didn't get to do any today, I spent 3 hours trying to nap but I couldn't.

I’m going to finish it and then go to bed. I’ve actually enjoyed sitting and watching tv. @MissGremlin

I’m glad you are going to do some. Hopefully it works for you.

@Captain24 I'm glad you've enjoyed sitting there watching it. I hope you get a good night's sleep sweetheart, lots of love and hugs to you ❤️.

I'm trying so hard to fight strong urges tonight but I'm feeling exhausted. It's been a really hard time lately, the medication I started sent me into a psychotic episode which led to multiple attempts over the last 5 days. Learning that I'll probably never be able to take antidepressants feels like such a let down, never being able to get relief from feeling like this. What do you do when you have treatment resistant depression, when you've exhausted all options, when you've fought so hard to keep pushing through but you just hit brick walls constantly. There's a huge part of me that feels like this is it, that there's no path moving forward, it's just a tunnel into the darkness. I feel so empty, I have nothing left in me to fight right now. I'm safe for the moment, sitting in bed with Casper snuggled up to me and I'm doing my diamond art.

Hi @MissGremlin

It sounds like you’ve been fighting incredibly hard to get through a frightening and exhausting few days. Experiencing a psychotic episode and multiple suicide attempts following a medication change is an enormous amount to have been through, and I can hear how depleted and hopeless you’re feeling after continuing to encounter setbacks when you’ve been trying so hard to find some relief.

Hearing that antidepressants may not be an option for you understandably feels devastating, particularly when you’re already questioning what possibilities are left. Feeling as though you’ve exhausted your options doesn’t necessarily mean there are no paths forward, but it makes sense that it can be very difficult to see those possibilities when you’re this exhausted.

Although you’ve said you’re safe for the moment, I really encourage you to let someone supporting you know how intense things have become tonight or to reach out to a helpline. You don't have to continue managing these urges alone.

For now, it sounds like having Casper beside you and focusing on your diamond art are giving you something to hold onto in this moment.

Take extra gentle care tonight, I hope rest comes easily.

SunsetSunrise ✨🌻

Hello @SunsetSunrise, it's hard cos I don't have anyone that's really supporting me. My doctor knows as I told him when I had my appointment yesterday (tuesday) but I don't have anyone else. I did reach out to a crisis service which helped a little to talk things through but I'm completely unable to sleep. I close my eyes and it's like everything starts flashing, I just want to be able to rest but I can't. It's scaring me that I can't sleep, not even for a few minutes at a time. I'm so tired, my eyes keep closing but I can't actually fall asleep. I'm still safe for now, Casper is snuggled right up with me.

Thankyou for your kind words, I'm truly trying so hard to fight through this.

I can hear how desperately you want to rest, @MissGremlin and how frightening and overwhelming it feels when your body is exhausted but you’re still unable to sleep. I'm glad you were able to tell your doctor what has been happening and reach out to a crisis service when things became difficult.

I hear that you’re safe for now and have Casper close beside you. You’ve been working incredibly hard to keep yourself safe through a very difficult period, and you deserve to have support around you while you’re doing that. If that changes and you no longer feel able to keep yourself safe, please seek urgent support rather than trying to manage those moments alone.

Take extra gentle care tonight, I'll be sending good and sleepy vibes your way ✨🌻

I am having a terrible nights sleep. I had my machine on and it kept me awake. So I got up and had a drink and a smoke and went back to bed and didn’t out it back on. I have since been up 4 more times. I’m not getting any sleep. I’m just dozing off for a while and then waking up again. It’s been like this since 12. My body is tired but my mind isn’t. I have a lot to do tomorrow so I can have a sleep. I need to sleep now. Maybe just writing this out will help. O don’t want being tired to stiff things up for me. I’ve worked to hard to get myself stable and stuff like this scares me that I’ll go a step backwards. I haven’t had a night like this in a long time. Why is this happening! I did all my housework so I had plenty of movement which my psych considers as mild exercise. As I was physically moving not sedentary.

Hopefully I can get the next 3 hours with sleep

I only got an hour an a half. I may as well just get up now. I’m tired bug I guess I just have to deal with that until 8:30 tonight.