I can’t cope

I think the all stress and all the negativity of people in my life has gotten to me today. It’s an I hate my life kind of day.

Oh that’s rough @Captain24 😞 sorry it’s like that for you today

Thanks guys @Bow @creative_writer. I hope today is going alright for you.

Ive got this one friend that keeps going through the worst case scenario of my jobs issues. She’s talking about fair work Australia. It’s like I’ve already lost my job. Every conversation is around what to do, what to say and the need for a second opinion means I’m gone.

Im nervous enough about the psychiatrist appointment on Friday. A 2 hr appointment is long! I know I can pull it off and tell them what they need to hear, if it doesn’t drain me. But she has me doubting myself. I don’t know how to tell her to stop. But I can’t keep hearing it. She is a really caring and over sensitive person. I don’t want to upset her.

She is a really good friend but I don’t need her catastrophising ( yes @tyme that’s my word now!) it on me. She is coming to town for a visit Wednesday through to Monday. I’m hoping she just drops pixies boyfriend off for me to babysit and doesn’t hang around to long. Just until the psych app is done.

Sorry just venting all this as I can’t say it anywhere else. I have kept myself busy. My walk-in pantry looks amazing. Lol.

I feel a bit strange in that I’m ok but hating my life at the same time. Maybe it’s just the situation that I hate. I don’t know. I just wish I had an answer and that they would stop moving the goal posts

Any way if you made it this far thanks for listening.

@Captain24 💕

So, I’ve been going for a walk most mornings, I’m eating three means a day most days, drinking 2lt of water a day. I’m keeping myself really busy. I’m mostly sound ok. I’m trying to do the right things to keep me on track.

Then, I go to my parents for dinner. Tonight was hard. The constant negative comments. The constant invalidation. I was made feel useless, stupid and worthless. Everything I’ve been trying to beat. It amazes me that 1 1/2 hrs can unravel what I’m trying to achieve.

I really hate myself right now for letting them get to me. I hate that I have this illness. I hate that I’m fighting for my job. I hate that they keep moving the goal posts. I’ve been trying to keep the stress of it at the back of my mind and not focus on it.

Now I’ve just crashed into a horrible dark place.

Sounds like you have been proactive in many ways @Captain24 - good on you.

As for whatever has happened, I'm sorry you find yourself in a dark place again.

I'm sitting with you if you want a chat tonight.

Sorry I shouldn’t have been so negative @tyme. I’m trying really hard to keep myself positive and trying to get and stay well. It’s just made me realise I’m not doing as well as I thought.

I hear tonight is difficult @Captain24 .

Remember, our feelings are like the weather. It comes and goes. Although it feels like you are not doing as well as you thought you were tonight, it doesn't mean it will remain this way.

Surf the waves. And when surf seems too difficult, just ride them.