I can’t cope

@Captain24 I usually have a little bit of salt with my foods but the taste of it alone is icky, may aswell be drinking the ocean 😂.

Hi @Nala2022

The sleep apnea is a little scary considering how long I don’t breathe for. I need to try and see if I can get into my doctor. The machines Adams masks cost around $2000. That’s just not doable now.

My question… I’ve just found my ‘window’ in the window of tolerance. I’m slipping a little into the dysregulated section occasionally but so far I’m able to pull myself out but it’s really hard work keeping myself in that space. Did you find it hard work and does it continue to be hard work or does it gradually get easier? I’m a little dysregulated today but I’m really sore and have injured my knee in the dog attack

I know… it’s disgusting! But if I’ve needed it I can actually bare it if it’s not what I need with the dizzy I can’t do it. Really random! @MissGremlin

I can do some diamond art today if you are free

@Captain24 that's very random but I get it. Don't you have work today sweet, is everything ok?

I'd absolutely love to do some diamond art with you though ☺️

I didn’t go. @MissGremlin. after yesterday’s 2 way conversation I just wasn’t up for it. Plus now that my back isn’t quite so sore I’m feeling more pain. My wrist and thumb are really sore, my shoulders are sore, one ankle is really sore and burning underneath, it’s my bad ankle. Plus I have actually inured my knee and if I move wrong it send shooting pain through underneath my knee cap. I don’t think I could sit in a truck for 12 hours anyway. Especially with my ankle and knee being on the right side which is the accelerator side! I side the accelerator a lot! 😂

Im also feeling a little down and if someone said something like yesterday I could probably cry and I don’t want to humiliate myself again. I will work hard to pick myself back up. I have too. I’m really tired as well so that’s not helping. Since I’ve been using these nose strips I wake up several times during the night. I don’t know if it’s because I stop breathing or what it is. I just wake up and roll over and go back to sleep but it’s still disturbed.

@Captain24 that's really understandable after what happened yesterday at work. I'm sorry that you're so sore sweet, it sounds like alot going on at once. Sending you lots of love and hugs ❤️.

Getting a disturbed sleep even if you're able to roll over and go back to sleep still has such a huge impact on the quality of rest. I'm really hoping you can talk to your doctor soon about the sleep apnoea.

I'll just say that I'm actually really glad that you're around today sweetheart ❤️

Hi @Captain24,

I’m sorry the sleep apnea results have been a bit scary, especially knowing how long you’re stopping breathing for. I hope you’re able to get an appointment with your doctor soon and talk through your options

And yes, I definitely found it hard work too when I first started learning about my window of tolerance. In my experience, it has gradually become easier. I’ve learnt more about my triggers and how to sit with being dysregulated, even though it still doesn’t feel nice when it happens

I’ve noticed that I’m now regulated more often than I’m dysregulated, but I still have my days and moments where it’s harder.

I think being able to recognise where you’re at and pull yourself back when you notice yourself slipping is already a really important skill

And after what happened with the dog attack, it’s completely understandable that you’re feeling a little more dysregulated today. Being physically sore and dealing with an injury on top of everything else is a lot for your body to process. I hope you’re able to take it a bit easier today and give that knee some time to recover 💛

My brain is a complete mess today, I keep zoning out, I can't stay focused on anything and then I end up overwhelmed and start to cry. I'm trying to allow myself to sit while I'm working on a craft but I just end up staring into space, envisioning things and having really dark thoughts. I tried to keep busy but I was bouncing from one thing to another and got so angry and frustrated with myself. I put the washing in the machine but then thought about putting the roast on so got it out but then sat down to do the craft, then remembered the washing so went to put it on but walked past the beef still sitting on the bench so put that on, then finally got the washing going. Now the washing has finished but I'm sitting here feeling frozen, I don't want to move cos what if I get distracted again and end up doing something else when I'm meant to just hang up the washing. I feel broken, I don't know why my brain is like this, why I can't just do one thing at a time. I'm safe, sitting with Casper next to me, trying to just breathe.

Hi @MissGremlin,

I’m really sorry today is feeling so overwhelming. It sounds like your brain is running in a million different directions and you’re being really hard on yourself for something that feels completely out of your control.

I’m glad you’re safe and have Casper beside you, just taking things moment by moment is enough right now 💛

Hello @Nala2022, it's really feeling overwhelming today. I just want to be able to switch everything off 😞 (I'm safe).

Thankyou sweet, I'm trying so hard to just take each moment as it comes. I finally managed to hang the washing up and I turned the roast over. But I still got distracted doing other things along the way.