I can’t cope

@Captain24 I'm really hearing you on being exhausted. I crashed hard this afternoon, it all just hit suddenly. Not getting 5 minutes to yourself is honestly horrible and takes so much out of you. I'm hoping your appointment goes ok sweet and that you can get a good sleep tonight before having to go to work.

I’ve crashed too. It was just too much. @MissGremlin. I’m totally worn out. I live in my own. I don’t go and see people. People don’t come here. I work in a truck on my own and don’t talk to or see people much. I like it that way. Then there was today.

Im hoping I get a good sleep until 4:30am!

@Captain24 think we've both worn ourselves out doing things and socialising. You're home in your own space now so I hope you can take some time for yourself sweet.

I sat in the sun for a bit but it was cold @MissGremlin Ive had a cold drink and I’ve had an icy pole. I’m trying my best. At least I get to talk to my psych in a couple of minutes. I have a pounding headache as well.

Definitely both worn out. I still have to make my wraps for work and cook dinner for the next couple of nights. No rest for me.

@Captain24 i got some sun when I was sitting in the car waiting then I had to go to the shops. My head is pounding aswell and I have to cook dinner, I have nothing in me and just want to go to bed.

I'm sitting with you sweet and sending lots of love and hugs ❤️

I just had the best psych app @MissGremlin. Ot was amazing. I told her about the last few days and told her that that is my goal that I want to get too. She was so happy for me and that I did it myself and listened to her. I told her that I heard myself last session telling her how bad I was treating myself and had the biggest light bulb moment when I sat on the grass to talk to mum because that’s where the sun was and I was too lazy to drag the chair across.

I told her I felt relaxed but wasn’t actually sure what it was, just that it was a weird feeling.

It has uplifted me a lot mentally just not physically! Now I have to cook dinner!

@Captain24 this made me smile so much to read. I'm honestly so happy for you sweetheart, you've worked so hard and the changes I've seen have been phenomenal. I'm super proud of you, you're amazing ❤️.

Mentally is enough the physical side of things requires a good night's sleep which I'm hoping you get tonight. I've finished dinner and I'm about to do my dishes, I'm beyond exhausted and my thoughts are really getting intense so I'm looking forward to being able to go to bed (I'm safe).

We talk about the window of tolerance. Which is kind of like the bench mark. Where you want rivers to be. I told her that I have found the window and that I know what I have felt like for the last few days is it. I now have a goal and a benchmark. I didn’t think a place like that existed. But now I know. She said now I don’t have her telling me that there is something out there, I can actually believe it. I feel so good.

I want to have a bath to relax after my day and I’m juggling time. So I decided to put the water on to boil for the rice and while I’m waiting I had my shower. Now I can make my wraps and start cooking dinner. Then I should have time to fit a bath in and not be rushing it before I feed the dogs. But even the shower and my Oodie lounge set has me feeling snuggly.

Im sorry it’s so hard for you and I’m just rabbiting on about how I feel.

I really do hope you get some relief soon. I’m not in a bed of roses and she doesn’t expect me to stay inside the window but at least I know it’s there and can work on skills to try and maintain. Bipolar I’ll wreck it though. @MissGremlin 

@Captain24 it's nice to know that a place like that exists, it might not always be the case but it's always possible to get back to it.

Having a bath sounds lovely, I'm glad you've had a shower and are feeling nice and snuggled up in your oodie lounge set.

I wish I could type more but I'm getting lost for words, I'm completely exhausted, my body is sore and I feel very close to completely losing my sh!t at the moment. I'm safe and I'm about to start my bedtime routine early as I need to get into bed before I collapse into a heap.

That’s ok @MissGremlin.

if you can talk that’s ok. I’m sitting beside you and hoping your bedtime routine goes quickly and that you are able to get some sleep tonight. I may see you tomorrow night if I have time. If not definitely Thursday night.