I can’t cope

@Captain24 can you at least eat something little sweet?

Going home is going to be very full on, so I kind of dread being away cos I never know what I'm going to be walking back into. I'm missing Casper alot, I've never actually been away from him for a night.

I was going to have a shower but I didn't want to get my hair wet. I'm in my pjs and sitting in bed watching a movie on TV.

I just had some chocolate milk to take my tablets with. I didn’t take the ones that make me sick if I don’t take them with food. @MissGremlin

They mean so much to us. It’s hard being without them. When I went to hospital the first time that was the longest I’ve been away from them. Up until the pix had surgery a few months before and had to stay in hospital over night and that’s the first time she had been away from us. She was over 5! I hadn’t really even gone away without her and left her at mums house! He will be just fine though and the greeting you’ll get when you get home will be amazing!

That sounds cosy. I hope you can get some sleep. I’m about to jump in the shower.

@Captain24I'mglad you took your tablets and avoided the ones that make you sick if you don't eat when you take them.

It's horrible being away from them. They aren't just pets they are family. But Casper is in very safe hands so I'm not worried about him, i just miss him. I know he's going to be very happy to see me when I get back home.

Hoping I can get some sleep. Hope the shower is nice and that you get a good sleep. Sending you lots of love and hugs sweetheart ❤️.

I’ve just climbed into bed and realised I didn’t make my sandwich for tomorrow. Now something else I have to do in the morning. Feeling pretty useless right now 😔 I’ll have to set my alarm for earlier. @MissGremlin

Im glad he is in safe hands. My two are my whole world. They are my saviours so I understand how much you miss him and what he means to you. Last August I went away for a couple of days and mum took them. Her idea for me to go away. I rang her everyday to check in on them!

The shower felt really good. I actually needed that to relax. I’m really sleepy after it. Hopefully I’ll be asleep in a couple of minutes.

You’ll probably be at the concert by the time I get home tomorrow night.

I hope meeting your friend tomorrow goes well and that you have an absolute blast at the concert. Enjoy… you deserve it!!!

feel free to update me about your friend if you want to. I’ll get it when I finish.

@Captain24 oh sweet, you're not useless. When we left today we got like 5 minutes down the road before I realised that I'd forgotten my bag so didn't have my money or anything 😂. These things happen when we have so much going on.

Yes Casper means the world to me especially after losing my last girl when she was so young. I checked in tonight and he's doing just fine so that makes me feel a little better but I miss him snuggling with me.

Glad you enjoyed the shower and hoping sleep comes really quickly for you.

I possibly will be but I'll have my phone the whole time so I'll still be able to reply to messages.

Thankyou sweet ❤️. I'm really hoping it all goes ok tomorrow with both the concert and meeting my friend. I'll definitely let you know how it all goes.

I’m deliberately not tagging you so please don’t read.

Im beating myself up over the smallest things. I’m trying so hard to get well and have changed so much of my life to help improve it.

It’s the little things that tip me over the edge and the thoughts start. I’m suppose to be asleep but because I messed up one thing that will take me 5 minutes in the morning I’m really dark.

All I have going through my head is that I don’t want to be alive at all. I’m safe. It’s just like it’s on repeat. It feels like an anger surging through my body. It’s like it’s got a power of its own.

Im hoping by getting this out it will help slow the thoughts and I can finally get some sleep. I need to be able to function all day tomorrow.

@Captain24 i can't ignore the post cos I care far too much about you to not reply.

I truly get this sweet, the slightest thing is enough to tip us over the edge when we've been working so hard to make things better.

I also know how strong those thoughts get when we stuff up cos it feels like we've failed at everything in those moments.

Just know that I'm here and I'm sitting with you sweet. I know those thoughts are so strong and persistent, but they are allowed to be there without us letting them to take over. Sending you so much love and hugs sweetheart ❤️.

Thanks @MissGremlin. I didn’t want you to read it and trigger you.

I just got up and did the things I didn’t do. Hopefully sleep will find me now.

I am safe for now.

Please don’t respond. I don’t want to upset you.

@Captain24 i don't get triggered easily sweet and you certainly don't upset me.

You did well to get up and do the things you didn't before and I hope that you'll be able to settle now so you can get some sleep.

I get that inevitably and I feel the same way most of the time sweet. But that doesn't mean that things can't change, there's already been some really positive changes for you lately. I know things might feel like they've gone a bit backwards but it's just that you've hit a bump that we need to get over.

Try to be gentle with yourself sweetheart, you matter, you're cared for and you mean alot to me. Big hugs for you beautiful ❤️.

Hey @MissGremlin @Captain24 ,

Hope the glitches iron out. Sorry for how frustrating it has been!

@Captain24 Are you working at the moment?

@MissGremlin , are you still away?