I can’t cope

Yep.. warm and snuggly. I do have to change the bed linen and finishing cleaning the house. I wanted to clean the shower and screen as well but I’ll see. I was going to bath the dogs but I think that can wait. It’s too cold, they can get done on my next break. @MissGremlin

I have to go to mums on Sunday so that gets me out of the house again! Monday I have a Chiro appointment so again out of the house and Tuesday I have to go grocery shopping, out again!

Im about to throw something on for dinner as I’m starving and then slowly wait until 8:30 to feed the dogs. Then straight to bed!!!!

I really didn’t like it when I started it. It’s was so monotonous and boring. It took so long to do it and for it to come together. I was like why??? But now that’s what I actually love about it! 😂

Im so sorry that this has happened to you again. That must seem really overwhelming and never ending. It just doesn’t stop for you. It’s one thing after another. We will get through this together. I will be by your side.

@Captain24 just do what you can, you deserve to be able to rest aswell. Definitely think the dogs bath can wait until your next break.

You have some busy days coming up but hope it's nice to see mum on Sunday.

Dinner, feeding the dogs and then bed sounds perfect. What you going to have for dinner?

Haha yes I used to get annoyed cos it felt so monotonous but now I love doing them and it's one thing that keeps me safe.

It really does feel never ending, like I just can't catch a breath in between things happening. Thankyou sweetheart, it truly means alot. We're here for each other ❤️.

I do have a few things on but at least they are all quick things. The longest part is the grocery shopping but other than that it takes me longer to drive into town than to do the actual thing!

Im just hoping that my brother can be bothered to ring or text if he is working. I’m glad mum actually told me what she wanted. She has had my dogs for the last two nights as it was just too cold here for them to stay without my body warmth. They are very tired now though. Mum gets up just after 5 every morning to walk her dog so mine had to get up to. Mums dog walks over 4km each morning. The night walks are only around 2km. Pix being overweight and sick hasn’t been able to walk much so has been going in the pram a lot. Since she has lost weight and is on insulin she has been walking all the way of a night. Yesterday morning she managed to do the whole walk without stopping and resting or slowing down. Plus walked the whole walk last night. This morning she needed to go in the pram for 10 minutes. Mum asked if she wanted to get in and she stopped at the pram. They put her in and she was only in for a couple of minutes and then wanted out again. They made her wait for a bit longer! This dog could barely walk a block! They are both really tired now though! 😂

I found some pizza pie things at silly sollys so I’m trying those. They were $5. Just waiting for them to finish heating up. Then countdown the minutes until it’s the dogs turn. I’m sorry I can’t keep you company tonight while you wait up. I just can’t physically do it.

What did you have?

It helps keep me safe and distracted as well. Which is a good thing and there is something to show for it. If I get through this there is a collection of memories of what I have overcome.

Surely things have to settle down for you soon. I’m praying that they do. It’s hard to try and move forward when everything keeps knocking you back.

@MissGremlin

I forgot to add the photo @MissGremlin

@Captain24 that's good that they are all quick things. My shopping trip tomorrow is a big one which is going to multiple shops.

Hoping he at least rings or texts. That's great that your mum has had them for the last couple of nights especially with the cold weather and your heating not working, i bet they missed you though. Awww Pix sounds like she's doing so much better now, thanks to having an amazing mum looking out for her and catching that things were off.

Hoping they taste ok, I haven't checked out silly sollys yet but maybe I'll get to one day. It's completely ok sweet, I'm hoping you can get a really good night's sleep. I had some chicken tenders with gravy, nothing fancy tonight.

Not 'if you'll get through this' but 'when you get through this'. We will both get through even when things get really tough, it's just one little step at a time ☺️.

It feels impossible to move forward when things keep happening. But I'm trying so hard to find a way through. I'm about to do some of my diamond art.

After your inspiration I’ve decided to have roast beef for dinner tomorrow night! @MissGremlin

When I’m on nightshift mum usually drops them in around 10:30 and then I’ll get home just before 8. The see me for about 40 minutes before I go to bed. So it’s not much. But I really missed them!! They’re just as happy at mums house as they are at mine. But the joy when they saw me and my car this morning was really nice. They knew they were coming home! I’m disappointed that I didn’t pick up the signs sooner but there really wasn’t any other than her slowing down which we blamed her weight for. The vet said she probably wouldn’t have picked it up.

They were actually really good. They were a brand name not some random thing. Silly silly’s is worth a look. We have a really little one and there is so much stuff in there and nothing is over $5 Brand names and all. Everything from washing liquid to dog stuff. Manchester, kitchen stuff. Stuff you didn’t even know you needed! 😂

I wasn’t expecting you to pick up the if not then when!

I hope your diamond art helps.

I’ve just had a hot shower and put clean oh’s on and it’s time to feed the dogs. Then I’m going straight to bed. If I don’t wake up early enough to go grocery shopping I’ll just do it Sunday.

Please look after yourself tonight and I hope the diamond art passes time quicker for you.

@Captain24 roast beef is delicious 😋.

Awww i bet you missed them too. I'm glad they are happy at your mums, it makes it easier knowing that when you're at work they are settled and safe. It's hard to pick up these things sometimes but as soon as you realised something was off you got it checked out.

I'm glad they were good, I'll definitely have to try to check out the place sometime.

Oh I must definitely did pick up on it 😂.

Yay for having a shower and clean pj's on.

I haven't been able to even do my diamond art. My world has been shattered yet again after the service I connect with regularly has just completely cut my chats unless I phone them which I can't always do cos of my anxiety. They'll no longer allow me to connect via chat. Now cos I ended the chat they've called the ambulance service on me. Things go from bad to worse 😞. I'm safe, just sitting on my lounge with Casper.

I did sleep well but once again have woken up early. After having no sleep yesterday I should have slept longer today. Maybe the increase in my antipsychotic may help with that. Better slept quality and longer. @MissGremlin plus I’m hoping the increase in my antidepressant (which is a big increase) will help start to lift my mood.

I can’t believe that happened. Did they give you a reason? How did you go with the ambulance? Can you go to another service?

@Captain24 I'm glad you slept well but waking up early is tough. Hoping the med increases help with both sleep and lifting your mood.

The reason being that they don't think webchat is the most helpful or appropriate way to support me me. I can rarely call in cos of my anxiety, I struggle to talk on the phone and they know that. I managed to get the ambulance cancelled. Unfortunately this is the only service of it's kind, it's not a crisis service but more a safe space to be able talk and be heard.

I've barely slept, i couldn't switch the thoughts and feelings off. I feel so hurt and let down, I don't think I can be helped, I feel like it's true that I'm just a lost cause. I did everything possible last night to keep things at bay but it wasn't working. I finally fell asleep just after 3am but now I'm awake. Things feel so dark and heavy, I'm scared of facing the day, I wanted to wake up and have it all been a nightmare. I'm safe, laying in bed with Casper. Might make a cuppa soon if I can find the strength to move.

Hopefully. She obviously thinks so as she doesn’t want to see me for 6 months. @MissGremlin

Ah.. I get that. I was in a chat one night and they cancelled the chat and told me I needed to call for the proper support. I get the anxiety around it. I can do it unless it’s really desperate. I have found most of the time it’s been helpful. I had one guy that all he did with me was a grounding exercise. It actually settled me down! No talking just the exercise and it helped calm me. It doesn’t work when you are trying to do it yourself.

I get those thoughts. The abandonment once again. I can see why you feel the way you do. It’s completely understandable. I’m just hoping that this wave rides itself out sooner for you. But I don’t know what to suggest to help. I’m at a loss.

I hope you can have a cuppa and get out and do your shopping, just some distraction for a bit.

My shopping is done, I still have to go to the chemist but it wasn’t open when I did my shopping. I’m trying to talk myself into cleaning the shower. But I’m currently sitting in the lounge doom scrolling. I have done a bit already today though.