I can’t cope

Thanks @Honeymoon

Ive just arrived at work. At least tonight is the last shift until Wednesday. The air con guys are supposed to be there at 9ish and I don’t get home until 8. Then I have a Pdoc appointment at 3 so I won’t get any sleep tomorrow at all. It’ll be over 24 hours that I will have been awake. That to is overwhelming in its self. It creates dark thoughts on its own.

Pix and Jett will sleep with me all day Saturday so I’ll have them snuggles with me. I’ll do my diamond art while the air con guys are there as my dogs bite so they will be locked in my bedroom.

Even thinking about tomorrow makes everything so much harder even before everything else that’s going on. Hopefully they aren’t there long and can fix it so one pressure is off in my life. It’s just the bills then!

Better go and face the last 12.5 hours of this block

Thanks for caring.

@Captain24 there's nothing bad about asking for support when you need it, and I would never want to encourage you not to do so. We have all had the experience of not getting the support we're looking for, whether it's from close friends and family, or from our professional support team. But it doesn't mean we should stop trying to connect, or not look for other avenues of support - including looking inwards at what strength and inner power we have that we might be overlooking.

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@Captain24 wrote:

Im not sure anyone would want to talk to me. I’m not a good person to talk to.

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I don't believe that for a moment! You've had Tolly, Nala, and Honeymoon popping in to chat to you just in the last couple days, not to mention tyme, MissGremlin, and many others over the years.

It's clear that having close connections and feeling thought of by others is super important to you - which is an entirely human way to be. Maybe it's worth thinking about the meaning you associate with certain types of relationships, including those with mental health workers?

I can promise you now that if you weren't worthy of support, you wouldn't be getting it. Sometimes though, our support systems change, often due to factors that have absolutely nothing to do with us, and we do have to adapt. Learning how to externalise it, to separate ourselves from the changes so we don't over identify (i.e. learning not to take everything personally) is a good skill to work on, as it often comes up in almost all types of relationships we have - from personal, to therapeutic, to business, and beyond.

It suuuuuucks so much about your air con being broken!! Talk about terrible timing. I hope it's a quick fix 🤞

Do you have wheat packs or like a hot water bottle to help keep the cold at bay?

Poor wee Jett, I feel for Razz having short fur too when Trixie's is so long and luscious. And they aren't overly cuddly most of the time so it's not like she shares her body heat with him! Thankfully I have a little electric heating pad that he likes to sleep on 😸

Ooh I am not overly familiar with ACT - what's 'thanks brain'? Love learning new things!!

Hope you are both okay @Captain24 @MissGremlin

I really only get support from my team and that’s because I pay them. A lot! @Jynx I only have one friend I can reach out to. But I can’t rely on her all the time. I guess I need to do it myself. I do have @MissGremlin as well but I don’t want to put pressure on them either. They have a lot going on themselves.

I do feel like why would anyone want to talk to me. I don’t understand why the others have cared. It’s hard for me to see that. I just see it as I don’t want to talk to me or know me so why would anyone else.

Are you saying I have attachment issues? That I get attached to MH workers?

The change is hard and I struggle with any sort of change. On here we have had a carrot dangled in front of our noses which has kept some hope. But things are just not getting better like it was said that it would. This was my safe and supportive space and it’s like I have lost it. I guess that’s just for me to learn to deal with. I know it’s never going to get better I just have to face that fact and move on. If the carrot wasn’t dangled then it wouldn’t have been so hard. If they were just honest with us from the get go it wouldn’t have been a lot easier for a lot of us. Transparency is the key for me.

Such bad timing. I’m really hoping that they can fix it today and it’s not too exxy! Jett has a jacket on, I have just had a hot shower and put a tracksuit and singlet on with my Ugg boots! Jett share Pixies body heat! I don’t think she likes it but he loves it. I don’t have any warming stuff for the dogs as I usually have the air con. If they can’t fix it today I’ll have to find something.

My psych says to accept the thoughts that your brain is telling you and say ‘thanks brain but now I’m going to…’ whether it’s picture the ocean or a thunderstorm when I’m in bed of a night or I’m going to concentrate on my diamond art now or patting the dogs or whatever. So accepting and not discrediting the thoughts. Does that make sense?

Hey @tyme

Im struggling a little, the cold weather always makes things even worse. The shorter days, the bitterness. I guess it’s something I can discuss with my Pdoc this afternoon. Could be an in depth appointment.

How are you going?

Hello @Captain24 sweet, I'm sorry that I've been absent a bit. I'm still here for you though and I'm trying to get back into being able to reply. I'm sorry that your aircon broke and that you've got a cold, it really makes it so hard with the cooler weather. Hoping the aircon can be fixed for you today.

That’s totally ok. You need to look after yourself and I totally get that. @MissGremlin. Just do it when you are ready and at your own pace so it doesn’t get to much to quickly.

It’s bloody freezing! The temperature outside is 10 degrees, feels like 5 and inside doesn’t feel much better. My hands are that cold that they hurt. I really hope they can fix it. Jett has a jumper on but it doesn’t cover all of his back because he is so long and skinny.

Im hoping things are a little bit better for you than they have been in the last couple of days. I am thinking of you.

@Captain24 that's definitely cold, it's14⁰ here at the moment. Getting cold hands is the worst especially when it's to the point where they're painful. Poor Jett feeling the cold, makes it hard when jumpers don't fit properly.

Things are really touch and go for me at the moment, very much taking things second by second (I'm safe).

How's your diamond art going sweet?

It gets extremely hot here in summer and extremely cold in winter. @MissGremlin. Very extreme weather!

They guys are here and my house is heating. Yay!! Hopefully it stays that way. The zones that don’t work they are saying that they do work. I guess they are the experts.

Im here to listen if you want to talk or just let you be is fine with me. Or even just chats if that’s what you want or need. Or just nothing. Whatever works for you.

I haven’t done any diamond art since Sunday. When these guys leave I have to go shopping for a Mother’s Day present then I have a Pdoc appointment and hopefully somewhere in there I can get in some sleep.

How’s your diamond art going? Have you finished any?

@Captain24 we can get some pretty extreme summer weather here but winter doesn't get as cold as some other places. Actually reminds me when I head to Melbourne in 2 weeks that I need to make sure I have warm enough clothes.

Hoping your house is still nice and toasty? Glad they were able to get it fixed though.

Thankyou sweet, sorry I disappeared for a while. Things took a wild turn here. I'm safe and just taking things really slowly.

How did mothers day shopping go, were you able to get what you wanted/needed? Hoping Pdoc appointment goes ok for you sweet and that you're able to have a nap.

I've finished one diamond art. I have a few going at once at the moment but yesterday one of my tools that I use after I've stuck the gems down snapped.