I can’t cope

Do you have ice cubes in the freezer that could make it colder? @MissGremlin I try lots of stuff too. Anything that may help.

Going through your cart is a good idea. Maybe just a couple if that’s all you can afford right now.

My dogs were just barking at the front door but I didn’t hear anyone pull up in the driveway. There bark sounded like mum and dad where here. I opened the front door and they were parked on the road. Dad just put my bins out so I didn’t have to as the green bin is full of grass clippings and heavy! They are thoughtful, they don’t want me to hurt my stomach.

@Captain24 i don't have any ice cubes.

Yes i just want to get a few to keep me going and some not so big ones that are easier to focus on.

Awww that's so kind of your parents to pop past and help. I'm glad they are supporting you while you are still recovering sweet.

I just connected with the crisis service so will chat to them for a bit and see how it goes. Thankyou so much for being here sweetheart, it really means alot ❤️.

Let me know how you go @MissGremlin

@Captain24 I'm really upset and freaking out at the moment (I'm safe for now). I was chatting to someone but I had a notification come up on my phone which I went to clear but accidentally pressed on then it went out of my chat and disconnected 😞. But cos of the last thing that was said I'm worried they are going to send an ambulance and there's nothing i can do. I'm trying to focus on making another infinity star but smaller than the one I did yesterday but I'm really scared.

Oh that is scary @MissGremlin. Focusing on a star is a good idea. Maybe they won’t. I’m hoping they don’t.

Let’s think with a clear head for a minute… we’ll try to. Let’s get prepared. What will you say if they turn up?

Maybe @Jynx @can help?

Oh that's rough @MissGremlin - I guess the only thing I can think of is trying to get in touch with the service again to try to let them know you're safe. And then yeah just try to focus on the breath, keeping busy, and hopefully you won't have anyone come a-knockin.

If you do want to be proactive you could get in touch with your local CATT or even the non-emergency number for your local police.

Thanks for tag @Captain24 hope you're going okay today 😊

I’m just sitting here doing diamond art with music quietly playing so I can try and keep my thoughts at bay. I think I’m coming out of freeze. @Jynx. I told my GP about my thoughts on Friday afternoon and he kept checking in my safety. He wants me to make an appointment with my Pdoc. I’m not sure if I ring whether they can get me in earlier than what the website says. I also see my psych on Tuesday.

I had a big day yesterday among a lot of other things, I mowed mum and dad’s lawn, whipper snippered and mowed mine. I was exhausted last night but it gave me a free day today and tomorrow apart from grocery shopping today and dog food shopping tomorrow.

How are you going?

I can imagine that feels a bit scary @Captain24 but I'm also glad to hear, because I know freeze was also very scary for you to be stuck in. Good to hear you've got your supports around you and I hope that you can get in earlier if you need 🤞

ooh nice one, so the mower is fixed then I'm guessing? Glad to know you got to get all that grass cut and dealt with!

I'm going alright, currently all snuggled up in my oodie robe hehe. Got some Drag Race going in the background and gonna have potato and leek soup leftovers for dinner, yummm!

@Captain24 i finished making the star. The big one is the one I did last night and the mini one just before.

@Jynx tagging you in this too so you know where things are at.

I did try to contact the service back but the person said they couldn't tell me anything so I guess it's just a wait and see thing.

I'm feeling pretty annoyed with myself at the moment, I put too much pressure on my body which caused me to black out, I'm safe don't worry but feeling rather nauseous now. I'm struggling with really strong feelings of self loathing cos of the vicious cycle I'm stuck in. I'm about to take some pain relief cos my head is pounding and then I'm going to sit and snuggle with Casper.

It is scary @Jynx. The worry about what’s to come. The fear they all instilled in me for when it happens. Freeze was really scary too. This is a really hard thing to go through. It’s never ending. One step to another is just hell. The thoughts are keeping me awake at night but I have to just deal with them.

My GP didn’t have the pathology results from my surgery so I still don’t know anything!

Yeah, dads is fixed but mine isn’t. I will have to sort that out. But at least my lawn is done! Dad even came around to put the bins out as he thought the grass one would be too heavy for me! Now I don’t have to worry about the bins.

I have one dog out the back just barking and she is driving me crazy!

Snuggled up sounds good. Working from home is good you can wear whatever you want! I’ve never seen drag race. Soup sounds good. It’s soup weather. I guess I should think about dinner.