I can’t cope

@Captain24 ringing her sounds like a really good idea and you definitely deserve support to get through this safely sweet.

I'm sorry you didn't sleep well, hoping you can rest today.

I've barely slept either and then when I did i had dreams about everyone one I've lost recently so it's brought everything up again (I'm safe). I'm currently writing a poem to get some thoughts and feelings out.

I guess it is important. Just to be distracted for a while. My thoughts are becoming quite dark. I think I’m coming out of freeze. @AuntGlow

I told my GP about my thoughts but he didn’t really listen to them but he did question my safety quite a few times. It was good to talk to someone about them though. I didn’t even sleep have my psych on Tuesday and I’m going to ring and see if I can get into the Pdoc.

The sunrise was spectacular. We see some really good sunrises and sunsets out there. No photos though as we aren’t allowed our phones on site. It was good that we all chatted about it. At that time of the morning not many people are around so we can chat in the 2way. I didn’t even sleep feel connected and included.

Sorry about the asthma. Hoping that that is easing for you. I’m hoping today is a good day for you.

I’m lucky that I have that support. It’s really expensive so I have to watch my money but at least I have it. Not many people do or can afford it. @MissGremlin

Im about to go grocery shopping and then the rest of the day is nothing until I have to cook dinner tonight.

Oh that’s so hard. Those dreams are terrible. I find it brings me some comfort in the moment but when I wake up I have to remember what has happened. Not long after my nan passed away I heard her in my room and she was calling out to my mum. In the end of her dementia she mixed me and mum up occasionally. I look exactly like my mum did in her teenage years. That was a hard night.

I hope you can be gentle with yourself today. What can you do to look after yourself?

@Captain24 i can imagine it would be expensive but I'm glad you have the support.

Hope the shopping trip goes ok and you can enjoy a relaxing day until dinner time.

Those dreams really are hard and then waking up to reality it all hits again. I can imagine that would have been a very hard night sweet.

I just finished writing a poem which I shared in my thread, you're welcome to read it but please be mindful that it's of a very triggering nature.

I'm just going to try to rest today and cuddle with Casper. Might do some diamond art or crafts, will see what happens. But I know i need to keep connected here today given how things are feeling (I'm safe for now).

Shopping is done and packed away. I got a few extra things in case I have surgery so it’s less stuff mum and dad have to get for me if I can’t leave the house. @MissGremlin

I’ve order my diamond art pictures. They were on special so I got them for under $200 with free shipping. So that was good.

Ive sorted out my meds for the weeks and cleaned this kitchen, I’ve also sorted out all the rubbish since its bin night. Now there is nothing to do until dinner! I’ve started in my diamond art.

They are hard.

I will pop over and read it now.

Doggy cuddles are awesome. Pix has her moments when she wants to be cuddle but Jett is really cuddly. See what you feel like. I’m finding it a good distraction. I haven’t thought about wanting to die while I’ve been doing it so that’s good. Maybe it will help for you.

Im not doing anything so I’ll be around all day. I’m here for you.

@Captain24 yay for the shopping being done, well done sweet. Getting some extra things sounds like a good idea just in case.

I'm so glad you were able to order some more diamond art pictures and what a bonus that they were on special ☺️.

You've done so well to get things done, now to rest while doing diamond art until dinner time.

Doggy cuddles are really the best and Casper is a real snugglebug. That's really good that its helped to keep those thoughts at bay, i struggle cos my mind wanders so even when I'm doing anything my thoughts are still there. I'm just waiting for my roast to heat up and then after I'm hoping to do some of my diamond art. Last night I was making paper boats and I challenged myself to see how small i could make them, I also make an origami infinity star.

Thankyou sweetheart and thankyou for being here ❤️.

I need to be organised as since I’m going private the surgery could be anytime. I’m also organising to have frozen food in the freezer for the dogs so I won’t have to stand and cut it all up. @MissGremlin

They should turn out well. It was hard finding a photo of Jett that will show his face since he is mostly black. They all of lots of colours in them like rocks and grass and stuff so they will all be very time consuming!

Im getting into it now I’ve started. There is lots of black so it’s pretty easy.

Yum for the roast! I don’t think I’ll bother with lunch. I’m cooking chicken and rice for dinner. Just not sure which sauce to put in it. I’ll decide that later.

Im sorry distraction doesn’t work. I bought an origami kit a couple of years ago but have never gotten it out. Maybe that’s something else I can try. But at the moment I think it’ll be too frustrating. I’m needing easy things.

Do you use instructions for the origami or do you know them? I used to make paper swans when I was a kid and just knew them from memory

Whats the weather like today?

@Captain24 can understand the need to be organised then. Good idea to have the dogs food in the freezer so you don't have to cut it up.

Having lots of grass and rocks in the pictures sounds awesome and will hopefully help to make Jetts face stand out.

I've just grabbed my diamond art but haven't started working on the next section yet.

The roast was good and Casper enjoyed it too 😂. Chicken and rice sounds so good and it's one of those things were there's the option of many sauces that can go with it.

Origami can definitely get frustrating at times. I've been sticking to easy things to make, some I know from memory others I have to watch a quick video then I can remember it again. I made a paper crane yesterday, it had been forever since I'd made one.

It's mostly cool here today which I'm really liking, perfect weather to snuggle up with a blanket and Casper. What about where you are?

So I guess you have done a lot of origami then? @MissGremlin. I don’t have the capacity to think right now. Maybe as things get better I can get it out and have a go.

I’ve just put some music on quietly. I don’t really like noise but I need to stop the noise in my head.

It’s sunny but not very warm. I have a tracksuit on. I don’t like the cold but one thing I like about autumn is the leaves falling off the trees and the clouds they turn. I made a resin art coaster of a leaf in the autumn colours.

These are the photos that I ordered.

@Captain24 firstly, those pictures are all absolutely adorable 😍.

I've done lots of origami throughout my life, it's something that I've always had fun with. Maybe one day it's something you can try, but it's got to be at the right time for you.

I understand needing noise to drown out the noise in your head, it's why I've always usually got music on or watching a TV show. I'm here for you too sweet ❤️.

Autumn is beautiful with the leaves changing colour and falling. The resin art sounds beautiful.

I've still not done any of my diamond art today, my head just isn't with it (I'm safe).