I can’t cope

@Captain24 hope you can rest for a bit. I know you have to wait until you can feed Pix and Jett before you can go to bed.

How are you feeling sweet?

I’ve just cooked and had dinner. @MissGremlin Im really tired. My GP doesn’t really get it. He told me to go to church and shower and eat better. He is really concerned about me though if anything happens to Pix. I don’t know if I can do it. Plus he wants me to look at volunteering. That is so hard around here. I actually feel worse.

@Captain24 oh sweet, I'm sorry you feel worse and that your gp doesn't really get it. I'm glad you've had dinner though and I'm really proud of you for getting through the day.

He has had depression on the past and for him it helped to get out and do things. Plus he learnt to train his dogs. So he gets the depression side of things but I don’t think he understands that this is different. @MissGremlin

@Captain24 that's good that he gets it but the thing he needs to remember is that what works for one may not work for another. And when there's multiple complex issues it can make things harder.

I have a pounding headache and I’m just exhausted so I’m going to bed. Just to wake up to the same thing tomorrow. I do get my surgery time tomorrow though so at least I can plan for that on Thursday. But I have a big day that I have to try and push myself through. It’s a big ask of myself especially right now.

Im actually feeling really really down instead of nothing. I think I prefer the nothing. I have a pain inside that I feel like I need to release. I just don’t know how.

@Captain24 it's been a big day for you sweetheart, i think going to bed is a perfect idea. Getting your surgery time tomorrow and than planning things around that will make for another big day for you. But one little step at a time you'll get through it and we will be with you every step of the way.

I hear you with feeling down, it's hard to start feeling again when you've felt nothing for a while.

Sending you lots of love and hugs beautiful, I hope you can get a good night's sleep ❤️

@Captain24 I don't think I ever say things to you 'because I have to'. I have a duty to the members to ensure the forums remains a safe place, but everything I say is said authentically, and because I believe what I say. I hope some small part of you believes me 💜

I am glad that the psych appt went well and that you have supports around you to help you prepare for your feelings coming back online. Sounds like they may be poking their head out at you tonight. Allow yourself to feel this pain and know that it is a sign of progress.

I hope you're already, or almost, off to sleepytown! Sending you some hugs

(づ ᴗ _ᴗ)づ♡

Sorry I missed you @Jynx

Im starting to find that I’m really tired and go to sleep really easily but I wake up early. Still tired though. I might start taking me sleep meds again and see what happens.

I get the duty of care and thought that that was what it may have been. So thank you for really meaning it.

My GP is trying to be supportive but is not quite there. He doesn’t seem to get the depth. There is only so much pushing I can do and I can take right now. I get what he is saying but I’m not at that stage. My psych and Pdoc are great though. They get it and haven’t pushed anything on me. Just working with me through this space. The only thing my psych suggested and not pushed was to eat a little more such as something as simple as a muesli bar.

I do think that they are starting to poke through and it’s scary but my psych worked with me yesterday on how we are going to manage it. Being off work next week has also allowed me to have an extra appointment. So that’s really good.

I hope my surgery isn’t early tomorrow and I can catch you tonight.

I have done a lot so far today but it hasn’t been easy. It’s been really hard. At least my house is clean though and the dogs are bathed. All I want to do is just go back to bed but I can’t. I still have things to do.

I need to go and have a shower and wash my hair but I’m waiting on the hospital to ring. They are making things hard. I need to be able to plan stuff. I need to know what time I need to be there tomorrow as I may have to find accommodation for tonight. But I can’t plan that if they don’t tell me.

Waiting for that call is really stressing me out as well. The surgery is stressing me out, will there be the same complications, will the hormones mess around with my bipolar again, I’m a long way from recovering from the last one, will I be able to deal with the pain again. So much stress on top of everything else going on.