I can’t cope

@Captain24 it's ok sweet.

I'm sorry it was horrible, it sounds really tough for you. Would you like to talk about what was said that upset you? I'm here for whatever you need right now sweetheart ❤️.

Totally @Captain24 - general convo only... then again, do you think mum's dont' know the inner sorrow of their children?

Why can't you cry? You may feel better after allow yourself to do so?

Even if it was hard, well done on getting through work.

I dont think so @tyme. She is to self absorbed and I have a good life looking front the outside.

I don’t like crying, it’s full of shame. But I’ve repressed it for so long it’s really hard to allow myself to let it out. My psych wants to see more of it though.

It’s just getting so hard being there. But I keep going I guess. I wish there was another way at the moment. But the real world exists and I’m just not fitting into it.

I guess it’s something that I kept showing up.

How are you going?

It’s hard @MissGremlin. As you won’t get it. It’s work related and doesn’t make much sense out of context. It did make me sound like I was doing the job the wrong way. But I was busting my arse all day doing it the right way and as best as I could.

@Captain24 i hear you sweet. It sounds like you did things how they are meant to be done and i know you always do your best. I'm really proud of you sweetheart for going to work even when things have been so hard. Sending you lots of love and hugs ❤️.

Just because you might feel 'different', it doesn't mean you don't belong. I think I've shared that in the past, i sat with knowing I was 'wrong' and 'faulty' because I was different. After a turning point, I've now come to celebrate and appreciate that I'm not like other peeps at all - and that's okay @Captain24

As for crying, who's going to judge you? Pix and Jett?

Tell yourself that you are what you are, and that's okay. There is nothing wrong with it! I hope you find a way to be proud of who you are!

I try to do things right but it’s never good enough @MissGremlin

I’m on nightshift tomorrow night so I have the morning off. But I have a Chiro appointment and Jett has his vaccination. Oh and I have to go grocery shopping and cook meals for work. I don’t know how I’m going to mask through all of that. I don’t know how I’m going to go planning meals. How do o be supportive of Jett? He literally screams when he gets a needle. The waiting room hears it!

I have to do all of that and be in bed by 12. It wasn’t this hard before I fell so far down.

I wish I could find that turning point. Maybe one day @tyme. Right now all I want is to belong.

Me..I’ll judge me. I know it’s stupid but I am stupid.

Being who I am isn’t getting me anywhere. I was staring to think of myself as a good person but that has all gone.

Right now I’m really distressed and not feeling much better than when I talked to my psych on Wednesday, the second appointment after seeing her on Tuesday. I feel so broken and my heart hurts so much. Even breathing is too hard.

@Captain24 I'm sorry it never feels good enough sweet but from where we are standing you are truly doing such a good job despite everything.

I think tomorrow needs to be taken one step at a time, try to focus on each thing as it comes. Just you being there for Jett is all the support he needs sweet, i know it's hard when they get scared/stressed but once it's over with you can give him lots of cuddles and he will be ok.

I'll be around tomorrow so if you want to check in as you are doing things you can and I'll be here to support you as much as I can. You've got this sweet, one little step at a time ❤️.

Thanks. I really need to step of here though @MissGremlin but I struggle to.

I just sent my friend a picture of the koala yesterday. She asked about it but never checked in with me. She was the one who just liked with a sad face my message about not being ok and have 2 psych appointments in 2 days

Do you have anything in tomorrow?