I can’t cope

@Captain24 it sounds like you mum shares alot of love for your gorgeous dogs, always wanting to make sure they have a big treat on the last night of them being there. Bones are life 😂. I just realised that Casper has never actually had a bone, he's had goats horns, chicken necks and pigs ears but never a bone.

It's really hard to grow up like that and I'm honestly sorry it's been the same for you. I'm glad that she was supportive when you had your surgery though.

It's completely ok for you to get back to her tomorrow.

I'm glad you are safe in your bed, it sounds like a tricky friendship to navigate at times. It's really hard when people can't see that they need help, all you can do is try to encourage them to get it.

It’s definitely not easy to accept it especially when I feel about it how I do @AlwaysMyself I’m also shocked that so many people would actually care about me at all.

I felt like I was trying to relate and understand but what I’m going through isn’t even close in comparison, it’s just a fleeting moment (well I hope so)

I feel like I’m self-sabotaging. I was accused of that by a CM I once had, she filled in for my regular for a couple of months. I’m the one thinking these thoughts, I’m the one stressing over the unknown, I’m the one not sleeping so it all points to it being my own fault.

I get over tired and struggle to slow down. I push myself through everything during the day to be so exhausted by the end of it, hoping that when I go to bed I’ll sleep. It just doesn’t work. If I don’t push I would end up in bed all day and then not sleeping any way.

The hug didn’t say anything. It took me a long time to be comfortable to talk to him and it took me ages to be friendly and helpful to new people. I always held back a little, I’d be friendly just not my level when meeting them and welcoming them.

Mind was a lot longer ago than yours, maybe 10 years. The school counsellor was also one of the math teachers. She never picked it up either!

Sorry.. I can’t finish. I can’t think any longer?

Oh no.. see cleaning shouldn’t be done. It’s dangerous! 😜 @tyme. I hope it settled pretty quickly for you.

It sounds like it was good for all of you and probably really eye opening, especially for the kids.

33 is not hot, I guess for winter though. I was mowing the lawn in 38!

You got back a few days ago didn’t you? I wonder how many bags that they have that the don’t have owners for!

I go back to work on Wednesday so I won’t really see you much next week but we still have this weekend.

I’m struggling with it and it has been all over the place since my horrible surgery that I have to go through again. I’m hoping that since I got up at 2/30pm yesterday and in bed now with only 2 1-2 hits sleep when I got home this morning, that I’ll be able to sleep tonight.

How has your sleep been since coming back?

I had a really good sleep last night. 11 hours! I’m feel a whole lot less tired and actually well rested. I got up at 7 and was still tired so I went back to bed and got up at 10.

I rang my best friend back after her calls last night. She needed me to do something last night which I assumed she was calling because she wanted something. But she is calling in here on Tuesday while she is in town. So that will be nice.

I also rang my mum and we are going to night markets for a little while tonight with the dogs. So that will be good too.

I have done nothing this morning and don’t even feel bad about it. I have a lot of things I want to get done over the weekend so I can have Monday completely to do nothing, well maybe washing but that doesn’t count.

So far I’m feeling okish. Not as many thoughts and I feel a little connected. Not so much disconnect and loneliness. I really do need to clean this place up though, so maybe I’ll clean before lunch.

How is everyone’s day going?

@MissGremlin @tyme @AlwaysMyself @Flutterbug9 @Jynx I hope that tags ok?

@Captain24 this is so good to hear sweetheart, I'm glad you got a good sleep and you feel rested. So happy for you ❤️.

Seeing your best friend on Tuesday sounds lovely and I hope you both have a good time together.

Going to the markets with your mum and the dogs tonight sounds perfect.

Doing nothing is perfectly ok, you are allowing your body some time to rest. Getting things done over the weekend so you can have Monday to rest is a good plan i think, just take things slowly so you don't overdo it.

Hopefully those thoughts away and you can keep feeling connected. I'm really happy things are feeling better for you this morning sweetheart ❤️.

The sleep was much needed @MissGremlin

It’ll be good to see her. It won’t be for long as she will need to get home and will have her son with her. He wants to see my Lego collection! I would like to see his too. But they live 30 mins out of town and I don’t like the drive out there.

The markets are mainly food that we don’t eat but it’ll be 30 mins out and my dogs will love getting out and being in the pram. There will be too many people for Jett to walk as he may bite their ankles!

I can’t believe that I actually felt ok with sitting for a bit. I have now cleaned the house and have a second load of washing in the machine. I also ironed all of my work clothes. I’m talking myself into weeding the garden. That’s going to take a lot of talk!! But if I can do it and whipper snipper and mow the front today that would be good and give myself a little less for tomorrow. I have done really well though. My list isn’t as ridiculous as normal. I have a two page list for today, tomorrow and Tuesday. Normally it’s nearly two pages a day! plus I’m looking forward to a nothing day which actually usually stresses me out. I’ll see how I cope when I get to it!

Feeling just a little better is a relief. It kinda gives me a little hope. It’s not much but at least it’s there. I’m doing my best to hold onto it. I’ve even done some stuff out of my safety plan to keep myself grounded. That will impress my psych considering I didn’t do her homework as it was way too distressing.

Safety plans are for all the time not just in crisis and practising them is supposed to to help in crisis as they are already some familiarity.

How is your day going?

Hey @Captain24 ,

How are you? I'm online for a few hours. Are you around?

Hey @tyme !!

I am around. I actually just sat down.

How are you today?

What'd you get up to @Captain24 ?

I went to get my car this morning as i had some safety recalls. I couldn't get it yesterday, so I had to pick it up this morning.

Did you sleep much?

I’ve talked to my best friend in the phone and she is calling in to see me on Tuesday when she is in town. I also talked to my mum and we are heading to some markets that are in tonight. There’s really nothing there but just going for a look. We won’t be there long but the dogs will have an outing. @tyme

I slept well! I got 11 hours, I got up around 10 and sat for a bit. I didn’t feel bad about sleeping in and I didn’t feel bad about sitting and doing nothing! That is actually a really massive thing for me. Especially of late. I have since cleaned my house and don’t all the ironing. I just have a second load of washing in the machine to hang out shortly.

Today is feeling a little better than it has been. All the thoughts are still there and running through my head but I actually feel a little safer at the moment. That hasn’t been the case recently. It feels like a bit of relief. I’m working hard to hold onto it though!

I don’t like not having a car available. I feel trapped! I’m glad you got to pick it up this morning though.

What else has been happening? Are you settled back into routine yet?