I can’t cope

@Captain24 of course hun, I don't know any other way to be except compassionate 😋

Yeah that burdensome narrative is so hard. I could rant for ages about how it stems from the modern idea that we are somehow supposed to all be perfectly fine and able to cope with life alone. We are meant to help each other!! Needing help isn't a burden, it's through helping each other that we even got to this point.

Anyway... before I get lost in my rage against the injustices of modern life, yeah my day has been good! I'm listening to an old Miike Snow album that I used to listen to heaps in my early 20's, so got some nice nostalgia and a little boogie in my step, hehehe. You sure have been busy!! When you finish your windows, any plans?

I'm spending it w my partner, first time haha so a teeeensy bit nervous, but mostly excited!

Just so you know I do love your rants and rambles! @Jynx. Gives me so much to think about. I’m missing them

I actually gave up on the windows. I just don’t have it in me. I literally can’t push my body any further. It’s not like me to give in but tonight I just have to. This will be a surprise, I’m not even beating myself up about it. I’ve done a lot of physical work today and really just need to stop. I’m just watching the last episode of neighbours and then I don’t actually know. I don’t usually stop until I go to bed.

Oohhh… meeting the fam!! I’m sure they will love you, how could they not! I get being nervous, I actually haven’t been in a relationship long enough to meet the fam so I really can only imagine the nerves. You got this though.

@Captain24 haha I know, but they take ages to write and I sometimes end up getting super emotional about it all - which doesn't always lend itself to being supportive to my forums fam 😅

I'm glad to hear you're not being hard on yourself about it! Your body is giving you signals and you're listening! Hope there's some good tv for you to get lost in hehe

Aww thanks hun, your words mean so much!! Hehe maybe I will pull out some of my best puns and dad jokes (my partner hates them, but honestly watching the eyes roll just adds fuel to my fire!)

I know it takes a while and you are always so busy now. @Jynx. I use to get a lot of insight from them. They were really helpful. Now you barely have time to chat and I get that. Just miss it.

Nothing on tv. Just sitting here scrolling and I hate it but I don’t have the energy to do anything else. I am totally worn out. I’m exhausted and I’m tired. My body hurts. It hurts to walk, it hurts to bend, it just hurts all over. I have a couple of big days ahead too. Getting everything perfect for Christmas. I just need to try and remind myself that some things don’t actually matter. Let’s see if I can do that.

I can imagine you keeping going just because it’s annoying them! You would be pretty awesome.

I hope you have a fantastic time with their fam for Christmas. I’m looking forward to hearing how it goes. I hope you have some pretty cool plans for new years too.

When will you be back?

I have to go now. I’m really sorry that I can’t hang around but my body and mind have just had enough of today and I really need to go to bed and sleep. I’ll regret it because it means I’ll wake up earlier in the morning but right now I just can’t.

Thanks for a great year and supporting me through my downs but my ups as well, they usually don’t get supported much, it’s more the downs that get supported. At least I have had a few ups recently (until the surgery!) You keep being your awesome self.

See you in the new year.

I definitely feel like I've been busier than ever over like the last 8-12 months hey @Captain24 - dunno if the forums are busier, if it's cos I've built more relationships with more people, hmm maybe a bit of both? Like I wish I could dedicate way more time to everyone individually but alas...

I think you and I are similar on the whole 'some things don't matter' thing. It's why cleaning can be a struggle for me because I often get lost in the minutiae. Like when prepping for my inspection, at one point I found myself trying to scrape grime out of the tiny grooves in my light switches, only to sorta go 'oh wait, this is barely visible to the naked eye, and I still have to vacuum...' 😅

You can do it! Some things don't matter, and some things that do matter to us, are completely invisible to others. You got this!

Aww thanks hun - maybe my NYE plans will come find me!! Aww this makes me all warm n fuzzy to read!! Hehe I hope you have a nice slumber, a lovely xmas and NYE, and I will see you in the new year for sure 😋💜

⸜(｡˃ ᵕ ˂ )⸝♡

I have so much to do today. Dusting, cleaning windows, mowing the lawns. Lots of washing. It all has to be done. I have people coming for Christmas.

My body is so sore. I can barely move. I can’t bend over to pick things up off the floor, I can’t bend barely walk. I am so tired. The exhaustion is something like I haven’t felt in a really long time.

I think I have broken myself. I think I have found my limit. I think the perfection has gotten to me. I am a mess physically and mentally.

I just want to go to bed and forget about the world. I have failed.

Hey @Captain24

Just catching up on everything - luckily I wasn't too sore yesterday after going for a run on Saturday and I'm feel extra glad that I went because I don't know when I'll find any other time to exercise this week! Except for walking the dog that is, I'm glad to have that as a reason to get moving otherwise it's too easy to neglect exercise when things get busy!

I really need to start cleaning and doing more of a plan for Christmas. Luckily it's boxing day dinner I'm hosting so I've got until the end of the week but still, I'm starting to think of all the little tasks that need to get done and all of the things that need to be cleaned. There'll be 11 of us, but that's 8 adults and 3 of my nieces, one of which is just a bub so I don't have to worry about feeding her at least! Honestly, I don't think it will turn out perfect like I'm picturing it and I think I just need to make peace with that and do what I can... I might try to make a list of the big things that NEED to get done, like the cooking and the more important cleaning tasks, and then maybe I'll make a second list of tasks I'll get to if I have the time, like dusting and weeding and cleaning the windows.

I wonder if this approach might be helpful for you too? Maybe it's something we could try together since I know sometimes having a buddy helps

If you are exhausted can you give yourself permission to rest? Even just a short rest is better than pushing through to burn out. You deserve rest, and you need rest, we all do 💜

I’m glad you weren’t too sore @Ru-bee. Walking Toby counts as exercise! You are moving your body and outside in the fresh air. I don’t actually exercise at all. But I guess I do put my body through a lot doing all this stuff so I think it counts. 😜

Hahaha the cleaning.. I totally get that. I’m trying to do most of it so on Wednesday all I have to do is prep food and do a basic clean. But knowing me I’ll do a little bit more cleaning than that.

11 people is a lot!!! I don’t know how you cope. It is really nice to be able to celebrate for people and do it yourself. It feels really good and is quite rewarding. No, the baby doesn’t count so that’s one less to feed. It is hard work though. Making sure everything is the way you want it. I put a lot of pressure on myself but at this stage I think I have it under control. It’s only 3 of us for lunch so that’s easy and 4 or 5 for dinner so that’s easier than I thought. By the time it gets here I will be ready.

I get the list of the important things. I’ve been doing all the little things. My garden is weeded though, now no snakes can hide in there! It was really out of control, I should have taken before and after pictures to show the amazing difference. Mum was shocked when they called in yesterday.

Having a buddy really helps. For today I have to mow the lawns and dust and clean the windows at the front and living areas of the house. Mowing is the most important. No one will notice the windows or the dust. The dust is t bad anyway, I did it when my friend come and stayed last weekend.

Maybe when I have done the lawns I could have a hot bath with salt, that should ease my body a little and I think that counts as a rest and self care. Then after that I could try going into town and getting mum and dad a small present each just so they have something to unwrap. That saves doing it tomorrow.

Im now thinking if I can push myself through today that maybe tomorrow I might be able to have a rest day. Get up, have my psych appointment and then try and do nothing. Do you think that sounds ok? It’s dumb but it’s like I need permission to stop.