I can’t cope

I might have to look into one. @Bow

I'm going to stay longer on it tonight and gradually work up to it @Bow . I remember in the past when I've used it, and lay on it on my bare back, I get up and the pain is satisfying. I'm glad it helped you with your headache @Bow

Back when I got mine, there were no intensity levels. I just looked on the website and it's got intensity levels. I would get the easiest lol.

I'll let you know how I got with it tonight @Bow @Captain24 .

That's such a concern re sleep @Captain24 . What does the doc say that will help?

I'm about to log off.

I'd encourage you not to get too worked up about not sleeping because it can actually be the cause of not sleeping.

Control your breath and allow yourself to unwind.

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@Captain24 wrote:

I might have to look into one. @Bow

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It's darn painful!!!!!

I think kmart has one, but it's not the real one. It's like lego versus bricks... I don't know any different. I just know it's PAINFUL!

I think the actualy shakti, you can try it and return it if you don't like it.

Once again, please don't go buying it just because I'm trying it lol.

I got mine off eBay years and years ago @tyme @Captain24 it was cheap. But it does the job. You can get them from Kmart, Temu etc. I wouldn’t be too fussed in my opinion to get the expensive real one. Mine works fine. Yeah I’ve had a couple of discs fall off but I just glue them back on

hiya @Captain24

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@Captain24 wrote:

‘Im disappointed in myself that I can’t push through’ hmmm this is taking some thinking. Maybe ‘It’s ok that I haven’t finished, it’s time to listen to my body?’ I don’t know. I’m getting better at reframing but I’m not very good at it.

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that's a good reframe! it's one of those things that will keep improving as you practice, so no stress. the fact that you gave it a go means a lot 😊

i also get what you mean about the rest where you can't sleep but you're exhausted. sometimes i get frustrated when that happens to me, but i once was listening to a podcast abt sleep and the sleep specialist said that even closing your eyes and mimicking sleep has restful benefits on the body. so i guess it counts as rest! maybe not as great as an actual nap, but better than nothing!

hope you're doing okay 💗

Hiya @Captain24 - been catching up on the doozy of a week you've had. How are you going today? Your friend is coming tonight yeah? 😍

Hiya @Bow 👋 😊

Also I wanted to share something I was chatting to my psych about this week!

Lists! I hope it's ok I tag @NightFury too cos we were talking about lists last week.

Anyway, I was telling my psych how it's been difficult to prioritise (big ADHD mood lol) and I was finding it kinda overwhelming to try to put all the things I need to do down on paper. She spoke a bit about how difficult it is for us to prioritise according to what's most 'important' - part of having an 'interest-based' nervous system. But she also spoke about PDA - some call it Pathological Demand Avoidance, however I prefer the less pathologising acronym, 'Persistent Drive for Autonomy' - which for me feels like when I'm being pressured to do something, I hit a wall in my brain. Or for another example, it's that feeling where like... say I'm building the motivation to go do the dishes, then someone says 'hey can you do the dishes?' It's like suddenly every cell in my body is screaming 'NO. SHANT. GO AWAY!' 😅

Anyway, she said that sometimes when we make lists, it can become quickly overwhelming because ALL OF IT IS IMPORTANT and also ALL OF IT IS PRESSURE. It can trigger both a sense of overwhelm, and that PDA feeling. So she said to me 'Whenever you make a list, just pick ONE, maybe two things that you can actually do - then ditch the rest of the list!' Then it's about breaking the thing itself down into its steps so it feels a lot more approachable.

Thought I would share - hope this helps you guys too 💜

Hey @Jynx

I just got home from work.

My friend is coming next Friday night.

As for how I’m feeling. I really don’t understand, I’m really confused, so many thoughts. I had confidence at work which could be a problem, I drove fast but it felt slow, another problem. It felt like a slow trip home but I was speeding. All these are major red flags.

I feel isolated and alone, I feel really irritable, I’m feeling like the world is too much, I have passive SI, I really don’t want to be here (I’m safe). I’m feeling really low and unmotivated.

See it’s all confusing and too much for my head to get around.

I’ll read the list stuff shortly and see if it can help change my way of thinking. But that is a hard one. It’s like it’s set in stone that I have to do it all. But I’m opening to seeing other views on it.

How was your break?

@Captain24 gotcha - you excited to see your friend?

I can hear you're worried about some 'red flags' - what sort of things do these signs usually indicate? Is it something you've been through before?

Don't worry too much about reading stuff if you're in the thick brain fog - can make it very hard to take in information!

My break was alright - some solid appts, silly kitties, and more raspberries than I know what to do with!

I am excited but there is so much work to do to get my house ready. @Jynx. I have done a far bit but Thursday is going to be huge. I have to finish of everything plus do everything that I do in a couple of days in one day. It’s overwhelming me already.

I have been through them before and they all point to hypomania. But I’m having the irritability instead of euphoric mood. But I’m also feeling quite down too. I really am sure now that it’s a mixed episode and I don’t usually get them. They are really horrible. But if the down keeps getting worse then the risk of suicide increases. I’m not really sure on how to get myself out of it. I’m not really experienced in it.

I tried reading it but it was a lot. I have to come back to it. I did get something out of it I HATE being told what to do and won’t do it.

Your therapy appointment sounded pretty full on! I hope the others weren’t as hard. Oh.. send some my way!