I can’t cope

The thing is is that it isn’t for birth control @Ru-bee. It’s for stopping things growing in my uterus walls and to help with heavy periods and irregular periods. That’s the hard thing. I medically need it.

T/W abuse.please ad spoiler tag

Thanks @Bow. I’m hoping it settles down and is just temporary but it sounds like hormones may just not work.

I see my Gyno in 2 weeks so hopefully he can shed some light.

I've had friends who have gotten it to help with some of the same things @Captain24 I really hope that it helps and that any side effects settle quickly.

I'm really sorry that you've been through that. While I've known that crying has been something that doesn't feel okay or safe for you, this does add some more context and I appreciate you being okay to share that. Sending you 💜

I’ll get up early and try an see if I can get into the GP, he may refer me to another GP that specialises in women stuff especially with my age @Ru-bee. If he refers me I may be able to get in and see her. Hopefully soonish. I can’t just make an appointment as I can’t be under 2 GP’s in the practice. Country medical system at its finest! We need help!

You find a little more out about me often. I don’t share a lot of my past because I didn’t think it was ok but recently I have learnt some things and that I am able to with caution! It does help to put a lot of things into context though instead of just hiding it all for fear of getting into trouble in here again.

Good afternoon @Captain24 💛

Feeling exhausted and drained after a deep psych appointment makes sense - feeling big feelings take a lot out of us. It is really tough to remind ourselves it's okay to cry. What was that experience like for you?

Gosh, I completely understand why this would be bringing up overwhelm for you - it's a lot to manage multiple health concerns at once, I have been there, and it's tough. I can hear that big emotions are very present, and to not know exactly why would feel really confusing...

It might actually be helpful to be with the not knowing and like you said, acknowledge that your feelings are there nonetheless and impacting you. So, what do you need right now? Let's just keep coming back to basics. You're not alone, we are here with you, okay? 🥰

Hey @AuntGlow

I went to bed early last night so I missed your posts. I slept all night so that was good. I really needed it.

Lots came up. When I nearly cried I was talking about some past stuff. But I held myself together. My psych said to let go but I couldn’t. I felt shame. I think I’ve cried twice on her in over 12 months and we have talked a lot of really deep stuff, as you do.

I have reasons why from my childhood (I did post earlier today) It’s just doesn’t feel safe.

There is a lot and the more I’ve thought about it it feels a little invalidating. It’s like I’m feeling all these things but I can’t be helped. To be helped I have to wait and see if it’s the mirema or not. It’s like I’m on my own until I know. it’s like my feelings aren’t valid until we know why. It’s confusing and hurtful.

I did sleep this afternoon though and I’ve just had some dinner. I’ve written a job list for the next two days so I’m going to have to force myself into it.

As for right now I’m watching friends and using a fidget. It’s not doing much but I don’t know what else to do. I really need a massive distraction from life and from being me. It’s all feeling too much and I don’t want to face it anymore. I’m tired of everything going wrong, it’s like it doesn’t matter what I try it fails. I tried to help myself medically and maybe it’s just causing more problems but I need the mirema for my uterine health.

I am glad you got some rest @Captain24 💖

I can only imagine how much you must be holding... they say that "shame heals when shared in safe spaces", so I think the more you are able to show up in your vulnerability with your therapist (over time), the easier allowing yourself to feel will be?

I understand why it wouldn't feel safe though... it sounds like the need to hide and suppress your feelings was the only choice you had growing up. So of course it would feel nothing short of terrifying to allow your feelings to be shown. What you are sharing makes sense to me, and I appreciate your vulnerability.

And your thoughts around feeling invalidated make sense too. 😣 Ideally, what would you like most from your health professionals right now?

What do you need from us this week? 🫶

I went to bed early last night to @AuntGlow. I’m still so exhausted. I’ve got heaps to do today so I need to push myself through it.

She was really supportive and said to let myself release it but I just couldn’t. I did feel shame when I started to tear up. I told her I was really emotional at the moment and she could see that. I told her about the last time I saw my dad’s mum and I nearly cried, that was nearly 29 years ago. I shouldn’t get upset over that anymore. Also talked about how great my mum was when my dog died and that upset me. I talk about Honey a lot and the day I found her, it was 6 1/2 years ago. I shouldn’t get upset over that either. It was traumatic though.

The fear of crying is huge. I’m in my own home now and no one around so it should be ok. I should be able to let go but I’m just too scared and I’m scared that once I start I won’t be able to stop. My psych said it will stop eventually and if I let go more often it’ll be easier and not as extreme.

The invalidation is hard. Just find out what’s causing it and then go from there but that’s not helping me right now, it’s like just wait and see. I went to the medical centre this morning and waited for 1/2 hour to try and get an appointment but it turns out he wasn’t in today so I have to do the same thing tomorrow. I hate the medical system out here. We are in an extreme crisis. I can’t even make an appointment for the next 6 weeks. I have to now wait until the 15th of January when I can try again. Unless I can get an emergency appointment in the morning. It was easier to get into the Gyno and my Pdoc than just a general GP.

What I want from my health professionals is just some answers, some clarification of what is going on. Just whether it could be hormones (I’m also perimenopause) and if it should settle. What can be done about it if it’s going to last longer. Will I possible need it removed.

There’s not much you guys can do other than just listen and support me through the extreme mood changes.

I know I’m not being overly recovery focused but right now it’s just about trying to put one foot in front of the other. Which I am working on. I’ve got a list to do today so I’m not just couch rotting. Try and see my GP tomorrow. I’ll allow myself to rest late this afternoon. See how exhausted I am and if I can do some of my 3D puzzle and/or some resin. I’m hoping that that at least passes the recovery focused just a little bit.

This is so me!! I’ve just cleaned the kitchen and crossed it off my extremely long list! Just not the wine.

Just found out that a friend is coming to visit next weekend. Now my job list has just tripled! I have to do all the cleaning and organising that I don’t normally do. So much stuff that I just hide. ADHD! While my house seems clean, I only clean what I can see and use. Now I have to do the whole lot!

I need for my adhd to settle to get it all done. No last minute frenzy. I only have one day next week as I’ll be working.

I need to push myself past my limits.