I can’t cope

Nah, it's not overshare. I was reading bits and pieces so I wasn't understanding what was happening. So thank you for taking the time to explain. Makes a lot of sense. Sorry for all my questions! So they met you at the door, and by that time, Pix was already jumping up on you? @Captain24

My brain is still trying to put this story together. So Pix collapsed on the street or at home? Then your mum called the vet to go to her house?

The kids just came to see me, The eldest is so excited about her bday which is soon. My sister is making a scavenger hunt and she's inviting 5 friends. I wont' say the name of the store, but the scavenger hunt is at this store and they have to buy a list of things on the list. e.g. something that starts with the letter A. Then the remaining money my sister gives them, they can buy whatever they want @Captain24

My niece doesn't know what the surprise is. She just knows it's at the shops.

Questions are fine. @tyme. It helps me to process it all.

She was really struggling badly in the walk and at one stage dad had to pick her up. They stop and have a drink and some treats while they are out. Pix just collapsed on the ground. She didn’t want treats which is the biggest red flag that there is. Her legs just went from underneath her and she was struggling to breathe. Mum felt her and she was extremely hot and not breathing properly. Mum scooped her up and they rushed back to the car. Mum called the vet to meet them at the surgery. On the way there they called into home and grabbed an ice pack. Mum was sitting in the car with her with the aircon on as low as it could go blasting straight on Pix and put the ice brick on her belly. Wrapped in a tea towel obviously. Pix hates when we do that but she just laid there. When the vet got there mum got pix out of the car and the vet saw Pix walk and scooped her up straight away and said no walking. To make a little more sense. Where they walk is about 5 minutes from home and their house is literally around the corner from the vet. Like not even a 5 minute walk. She had a steroid injection and an antihistamine injection, oxygen and cold wet towels wrapped around her. She stayed like that for an hour and a half until the vet was happy for her to go home. If she still had a cough and breathing differently on the Monday I had to rush her around for X-rays. But she seemed a lot better, better breathing and mum said she improved heaps on Sunday.

Just she was jumping at me when I walked in. Just like normal, it was about an hour after she got out of hospital. She was still coughing after being excited which is why mum tried to calm her down. Pix snores when she sleeps, that night she slept under my bed, I’m guessing it was a lot cooler than on my bed. I couldn’t hear her breathing and she wasn’t snoring. I had to keep getting out of bed to check on her. I didn’t get a lot of sleep before work but she was more important than sleep. She has started snoring again and it wakes me up but it’s a normal snore, her snore has been pretty laboured for weeks. She is currently outside barking and not coughing so that’s a bonus.

Please ask away. Just ignore if I repeat myself. I’m happy going through it. Each time I talk about it it gets a little easier.

I told my psych yesterday and she was great about it. She also gave me strategies for getting to hospital and entering. Visualisation exposure therapy, actually looking at the building in photos and the reception desk. Strategies for while I’m in the waiting room waiting to go in.

Im glad the picnic was ok, it sounds like an amazing idea and an awesome way to be able to get together.

I love kids playing in the street the way we did when we were kids.

That's incredible. Thank you for shairng. I feel I've got all the jigsaw pieces, but I hope it wasn't triggering for you @Captain24 . In a way, I"m sensing that talking about it more can normalise things and help you work through the trauma of it?

I can visualise and see how stressful the situation was for all of you. I'm sure your mum will not repeat the same thing!

I always thought little dogs were super hardy! Fingers crossed that things fully improve for Pix.

As for the hospital trip, thank you for sharing about exposure therapy. I can totally relate. Remember I told you about being scared of dogs, so in the beginning, I looked at only cute photos of puppies. Then I looked at more serious dog photos until I finally met with a dog face to face. It took a while, but the more you do it, the more likely your body will relax instead of going in to fight/flight.

Also, I have been petrified of ambulance sirens for a long time due to my experiences. For me to work through that phobia, guess what? I watched episode upon episode of Paramedics so that I could like 'good' memories with the sirens. At the moment, I still need to watch any episodes for 'maintenance'...

Our brains are weird!!!

This is the first time I’ve been able to talk about it without crying! @tyme. It’s totally helping. Working through the trauma seems to be comforting as apposed to triggering. Maybe there is something to be said about going through it several times.

You have said that about dogs. I was suppose to do that with snakes. I do it occasionally but need to do it more.

Sirens aren’t really a problem for me just when the ambulance is close by me. I’m glad you keep up the maintenance though. Shows you looking after yourself and continuing to work on yourself.

I’m hoping that this works. I look at a photo of the reception desk often. Plus I found a squishy to take and have my spiky ring out ready. I still have to write the list to put in my pocket. I keep visualising the drive to. The bends and the things we pass. I know that drive well as we have been going over to that town since I was a baby, a couple of times a year!

I have done some of today’s job list except for whipper snippering as I broke it and I haven’t mowed.

I’ve done most of tomorrow’s list as well.

I don’t think I can mow as I just don’t have the energy. I feel so sick, like dehydrated I think. I have no energy, feel really depleted, have a headache and I’m lightheaded.

Why can’t I just get things right?

I have tried so hard today and pushed myself so I can have a day to myself tomorrow to do whatever I want. But right now it all feels too much.

Wow @Captain24 it sounds like you've achieved so much today, getting through most of today and tomorrow's checklists! I think a break and a rest is definitely called for. This can be a good time to practice that gentleness with yourself, I know it's not easy if it was we wouldn't need to practice would we?

I have done a lot @Ru-bee just not enough. I’ve had some electrolytes hoping that helps and some almonds.

Pix had a breathing attack in the bath and I needed to calm her down, I thought I was going to have to rush her to the vet. She was scared and so was I. It’s the first one she has had since she nearly died on Saturday.

I heard from the hospital with my admission time and details.

Today just feels like a lot. The fear of Pix, the fear of hospital it became real when they called.

Maybe I do need to rest and relax for a bit before I go and do the lawns. Maybe a nap will help settle and refresh me. If not, I guess the lawns will have to wait until Sunday. But I already have stuff to do then. I guess I can clear the afternoon.

Glad that Pix is okay now @Captain24 Today sounds like a lot. I do hope you're able to give yourself permission to rest for a bit. You can't pour from an empty cup and sometimes just pushing through is not the most productive way forward

Pix is sounding rattley in her breathing @Ru-bee. Maybe a trip to the vet in the morning. See how she goes overnight.

I had a nap but I’m still feeling so sick and depleted. Mowing the lawn will just have to wait, if it’s not raining in the morning I’ll do it then. Hopefully.