I can’t cope

Hey @Captain24 i know that feeling in the pit if your stomach all too well. It’s a horrible place to be sitting.

you certainly didn’t do anything to be back there and you don’t deserve it either. I don’t have any answers that will bring any real comfort unfortunately but I’m sitting here with you in that darkness offering a little bit of light.

💕 @Bow

Hey @Captain24 ,

Is tea ready? How’d you go at your folks?

tyme

I think I need to listen to that quote @tyme

If you have time to chat I think I’d rather chat over here. If you don’t have time it’s all good.

Sure thing. Happy for a chat here @Captain24 . Disregard my last post in the other thread. It's good to keep it altogether 🙂

Thanks @tyme

it’s a Sunday night thing when I’m not at work. Shopping for one is hard and then just keep eating the same thing and I get bored!

This week is Wednesday Thursday days then Friday Saturday Sunday nights.

I do have my first appointment the day before I go back though.

How was your weekend?

Sounds good that you go each Sunday for dinner. It may not be the 'happiest' moment of your life, but I guess if I were in your shoes, i'd do it knowing I won't be able to do it forever. @Captain24

And yes, I totally agree with you about getting bored of eating the SAME food!

You've got a big week ahead it sounds. I really don't know how you can juggle changing from a morning bird to a night owl. It sounds like it'd put 5 years on your age!

As for my weekend, it was quite pleasant because it's been sunny and warm-er here. The sunshine makes all the difference. I spent time with my sister's kids. Then, I pretty much just chilled the rest of the week.

What's been happening on your side?

tyme

At normal times I can do it and I don’t let mum get to me. But I am expecting mum to develop dementia in probably the next 10 years so I do need to enjoy it while I can.

You do learn to adjust to the roster. It’s all about planning and routine. Probably would have been easier if I didn’t start it in my 40’s though and yes I do feel like I’ve aged! Lol

Sunshine is great. Spending time with the kids would be nice. I only have one niece and she is 20 so I haven’t had much to do with her for a few years.

My week was actually ok in reflection. I had a quite a few moments that I’m proud of and see as achievements. It did feel like maybe I could make it through.
My last night shift was really good I got to catch up with a friend on my break at midnight so it was good.

Then yesterday sent everything into a massive spiral down to back to the beginning.

Yeah, that's what mental health is... it has it's ups and downs. But without the downs, there would be no ups too! Think of it that way, and hopefully it will be more bearable. @Captain24

I feel there's so much more to learn, and the more we learn, the more we realise there is still to learn! I was only looking at some tertiary studies today. I'm thinking about going back, but not sure yet. I seem to miss study.

Any plans for tomorrow?

tyme

I scared myself so much last night. It was the closest I’ve ever been and it was so close. I couldn’t even communicate to get help.

I knew there would be ups and downs just didn’t realise so extreme. But I guess I can only go up. Maybe it will make me stronger in the end

I guess I have a lot to learn and a very long way to go.

I did consider tertiary study a couple of years ago but since it’s been over 25yrs since I last studied I didn’t think I could pick it up again. I never had much dedication anyway. Just relied on natural ability.

I know a few people that like to keep studying. You are lucky that you have the initiative to look into it.

I think tomorrow Ill probably just do housework and prep for work Wednesday. As after my Pdoc appointment on tuesday I don’t know how I will be. I’m nervous as I’ve never been before and don’t know what to expect. Ill also have another go at trying to get into the gp.

Hope you have a good day planned tomorrow