I can’t cope

Sorry @Jynx

I was scared about saying anything but I had to. I needed to get it out and here was the only space I knew. I am hearing you all and I really appreciate it. I’m just struggling for it to sink in.

They are having some popcorn now!

But I do want to know about the board game! Only if that’s ok. It’s ok especially with me feeling so uneasy and unworthy

It’s ok if he misses breakfast or lunch but by morning he will be vomiting yellow foam! @tyme Then I’ll have to work really hard to get him to eat cause he won’t want to cause he’s been vomiting!

We have influenza B and Covid too. I’m glad it was only a one night thing. It’s horrible when they are sick. Countdown is on until school holidays are finished! Can you send her to her own bed a couple of nights so you can get some sleep?

The pile just keeps getting bigger! I’ll get through the pile finally and then say to myself I’ll do it as it comes off the line. But. No. It’ll just pile up again.

Ah.. the poor thing. I feel sorry for her.

That’s cute about the movie. It does mean that she gets it and that’s so cute. I don’t think k crying in a movie is a bad trait to have. I think it shows her soul.

@Captain24 it may take some time to sink in, which is actually totally normal and expected cos we don't process emotions that quickly lol. Hopefully some sleep will help - it's when our brains tend to consolidate all the info of the day.

I hope that next time you're feeling uncertain like this, or hesitant to reach out, or concerned about your place here - that you can remember today and say to yourself 'hey, last time this happened everyone was so happy to support me' and it'll be a little less scary to talk about 😉

Honestly.... the project got a teeeensy bit abandoned 😅 You've inspired me to revisit it though!!

But I found an app that kinda fulfills a similar purpose. Everyone on here is keen on Finch, but me? I found an app called 'Obedience' and like.... it's actually so helpful? I am doing daily habits way more now 😅
Their website is pretty neat too, they have all these nifty articles about stuff like healing attachment styles w kink and things like that. I literally can't access any of these things on my work laptop so you may have to go looking yourself 😋

We may not process them quickly but they certainly can come on in an instant! @Jynx

I’ve been through the wringer in the last couple of weeks. It’s going to take sometime for me to pull myself back together. Thoughts. Feelings. Thoughts have been so heavy and so have the feelings. It’s like it’s all outta control and I can’t reel it back in.

Glad I inspired you.

I did look but I got to the part where you add a partner and I bailed. I don’t have anyone and probably never will. I can have a look at the website though. I’m guessing your work laptop may be slightly restricted! 😜

I do have finch. We downloaded it when I was in hospital last year but I don’t use it. I’m suppose to use a mood app too but I don’t do that either. I’m not one that can do things daily. I forget a lot of the time and then just think ‘oh well it’s too late now’

So lucky! @Captain24

Hmm, I do get that fear, and I can understand why that would feel unbearable for your body to hold. The good thing is that you are doing the work in therapy to understand and process all of these bigger feelings better. When is your next appointment?

Also, what if I told you we don't plan to leave? 💛☺️

@Captain24 Oh you don't need to add a partner! I didn't, I actually prefer it without! Cos adding a partner adds restrictions. I use it more like a self-accountability thing, with bonus spicy themes. Like yes it's designed for D/s partnerships to use it but there's no reason you can't be your own dom!

Are you worried about how things have been feeling lately? Do you usually notice a decline in your mental state throughout the winter or is this feeling outta nowhere?

I have an appointment on Tuesday with her. @AuntGlow. I have this week and next week then 2 weeks off. After that I’ll be in hospital so I can actually see her in person. We downloaded have a lot to go through this appointment since I ended up so unwell from the last one.

It has been a lot today. I thought I was starting to do better. But it’s like everything has manifested into different ways.

That means a lot and I hear you but I’m still struggling to feel it. That’s my fault though there is no one else to blame.

I’ll have another look @Jynx. I just assumed you needed one. I actually thought of you and wondered how you chose which one.

I am worried. It’s got really risky there for a while. I even made a call to a crisis line twice in one night. That’s a lot considering I don’t call. Then big feelings today. I do have trouble in winter, a lot of trouble. But this big feeling today is so different. So new.

I haven’t dropped my med down for three weeks so I had to do it today. So now that’s another level to add

@Captain24 did you account for the meds change with this sudden mood-shift hun? Big chemical changes to our bodies is bound to leave us feeling pretty destabilised!

I hope you're feeling a little better about your place here. And if not, you know we are all happy to reassure, reaffirm, and reconnect whenever you are ready 💜

I will chat to you next weekend - I know you have work and stuff but I will pop in to see Pix's bday photos!! We may be like ships in the night, but still signalling one another hehe.

Niiiiight

(つˆ⌣ˆ)つ

Okay, I will definitely make sure I check-in on Tuesday! @Captain24

I think when you do deeper processing/inner child/somatic type practices a LOT comes up so that it can be released and healed over time. I know, I know, it's an awful feeling... but it will become easier. And we will be here to cheer you on and encourage you to keep going. 🥳

You don't have to believe everything right now, but maybe you could challenge that voice a little bit?

I hope you get some rest, let's chat more tomorrow. 💕