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Something’s not right

I can’t cope

I can’t cope

Hi. I’m new and have never been in anything like this before.
I’m really struggling with depression at the moment and just need a place to vent.
there is no reason as to why I feel this way. I just hate myself and feel like I’m an unworthy and useless person. I don’t have a partner or many friends. I feel like I keep pushing them away when I’m down. I’m just not worthy of them. I hate life and just wish I would go to sleep and not wake up. I feel so much emotional pain inside but numb at the same time. None of this makes any sense but it just how I feel.

29384 replies

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In response to: I can’t cope

Re: I can’t cope

Things are really hard @Jynx. They are a bit much.

Now I have this image of you lying starkus in the front door with people walking past!

I was close. That sounds like something I would do. I love the sparkle.

I’ll take a photo and post it next weekend for you. He doesn’t have it on right now as he is on my lap and the heater is on high.

They know so much don’t they. Pix lets me know when it’s meal times. Jett doesn’t really get it.

Why can’t you fix the weather for Razz? My two look at me when it’s raining. Jett won’t go out at all.

In response to: Re: I can’t cope

Re: I can’t cope

@Captain24 aye sounds like you're weathering some very stormy weather hun. I'm sorry it's so rough. We gotchu tho, always!

Ahaha no no, thankfully I am very out-of-view!! I really like having this much privacy, turns out I like sunbathing nekkid!! Ahahah

Haha yep, I am all about the shiny sparkly things!! And all about making my environment fun to occupy 😋

HA! You know I ought to be careful, feels like you and Razz are gonna team up and cross-examine me like lawyers...

"And uhh you're here to tell us you CAN'T stop the horrible water coming out of the sky, but you CAN stop it coming out of the shower? Seems fake.' 🤣

In response to: Re: I can’t cope

Re: I can’t cope

Very stormy. @Jynx. I’m not reducing my meds this week. I can’t cope with it. I need a break from something. I need a break from work too but I only have a few weeks before I go to hospital so it’ll have to wait until then.

Thats how I sun-bake too! I have a spot in my backyard where no one can see. But I ain’t going out there in this weather!

Yup.. Razz and I are in this together..

mmuuhhhaaa

I know. Why can’t I just turn it off? It’s supposed to rain Monday and Tuesday. It’ll mean the mornings are warmer but the days will be so much colder. Can’t win. It’ll be rainy and gloomy and that makes my mood even worse.

This is the email my psych sent me

I've booked you in for 2pm on Tuesday. I know you don't like calling in sick to work so I just want to acknowledge that choosing to do that is you showing up for yourself. That's not nothing and it's not weakness. It feels like weakness because you are depleted when you are making that choice. But being depleted is different to being weak. You are more important than your workplace, but putting yourself first feels uncomfortable because you've been told you're not allowed to come first.
This is you doing the work - you are allowing the discomfort of unfamiliarity and (unreasonable) judgement and practicing taking your place as the most important part of the equation (which you have always been).
Just in case you've forgotten - check your notes for what we've discussed in case there's anything helpful in there in the meantime. And read this email as many times as you need.

In response to: Re: I can’t cope

Re: I can’t cope

@Captain24 wow, that is SUCH a lovely email!! I knew I liked your psych but wowsers!!

Well maybe it'll be slightly less windy and you can get yourself some sunbeams tomorrow!!

I am glad to hear you are showing up for yourself hun. It's tough to do so when it can create such internal conflict, but every time you do, you get a little better at it. It'll get easier and easier.

I gotta dash, glad to hear from ya hun and mayhap catch your wonderful self tomorrow 💜

In response to: Re: I can’t cope

Re: I can’t cope

She is amazing @Jynx

No sunbeams for me, I’ll be at work but I’ll feel it through the windscreen of my truck. I hope you get some in though.

Im trying to look out for myself but we will see.

I hope you had a good night and have a good day.

Talk tonight

In response to: Re: I can’t cope

Re: I can’t cope

Hope you're surviving work ok @Captain24 😉

In response to: Re: I can’t cope

Re: I can’t cope

I’m home @Jynx

Work went ok. It was so hard to get myself out of bed. I just didn’t want to go. Didn’t want to get out of bed just stay there and rot. I did some socialising so that was hard and tiring.

How was your day.

In response to: Re: I can’t cope

Re: I can’t cope

@Captain24 sounds like you had a hard slog but did the day anyway hun!! Big kudos for dragging your keister away from the rot, lol it's SOOOO hard when it's this cold, ay!!

What kind of socialising? Was it also a fun social thingy?

In response to: Re: I can’t cope

Re: I can’t cope

It was t really that cold this morning compared to other mornings. It was only minus 3. @Jynx I do think I’m doing well pushing myself so hard to show up to work.

We had a crew BBQ today and then at second crib the guy that got swapped out at the same time wanted to go to the crib hut where there were a lot of people. I didn’t enjoy it. It was so hard to pretend.

In response to: Re: I can’t cope

Re: I can’t cope

@Captain24 umm

I'm sorry but this goes SO HARD


@Captain24 wrote:

It was t really that cold this morning compared to other mornings. It was only minus 3.


MINUS THREE FRICKIN DEGREES - NOT THAT COLD? Yahuh umm tell me Captain ARE YOU AN ICE QUEEN?! 🤣🤣

Ahem!

Anyway, yeah, legit, I imagine that with work being such a huge source of stress, work events aren't exactly gonna be a wicked fun time.

Ach, you home and in your comfy clothes now at the very least?

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