I can’t cope

Yikes! That's cold! I can feel the cold in my bones! LOL.. the hot shower can be both self care and self preservation! I can't have too many hot showers because it dries out my skin, and I heard that Vic dams are the lowest they've been in a LONG time... so I have to be careful not to have too many showers a day!

I'd LOVE to be under a hot hot shower, but instead, I'm rugged up in an oodie and beanie. Ruby is sitting right next to me. She's got her own miniature armchair. @Captain24

Are you a 'socks' person? Even though it's so cold, I've got bare feet. I don't like socks.

If that’s the temperature now what’s it going to be like in the morning!! @tyme

My skin is red and itchy! I like my showers hot.

That’s a bigger. I’m lucky to have one shower a day so I’m not using much water. We have plenty of water here. We have 2 massive dams near us.

Miniature arm chair sounds cute! My two are lying in a bed each with a blanket on the bed that they have snuggled into.

I live in of boots. I wear them everywhere. The supermarket and everything. I love them.

Do you ‘get’ the numb feeling? Is it a good thing or a bad thing? Or is it self preservation?

Nice 🙂 Boots sound good. I was in boots today when I was out, but at home, bare feet is best 🙂

Numb? Absolutely I did in the past. I was like the walking dead. I felt I was always numb. I was existing but not living so as a way to manage the emotional pain, I disconnected with life.

I can't believe I was in that state for years.

So yes, i have felt that before. I think it takes a lot of perseverance to get yourself out of that state so your brain stops reverting back to it... idk

@Captain24

That was suppose to be UGG boots! Oops @tyme

I get the feeling of just existing. That’s all I’m doing. It’s not a life. So I have to work even harder? I’m tired. I’m exhausted. I’m drained. I can’t take anymore. I’m trying the best I can. It’s hard

I love my UGG boots, but as soon as I sit down, I want them off my feet lol.

As for life itself, I honestly don't think it's about trying harder. If anything, it's about trying something different. @Captain24

For me, I found that when I stopped trying so hard, things started falling into place and I developed the skills I needed to 'change my brain'

I’m learning different things and trying them @tyme plus I feel like if I dont try hard you will think I’m not recovery focussed

I feel as though if I don’t try hard I’m failing. But it’s ironic cause I’m failing anyway.

I google SAD. I didn’t realise what I feel is an actual thing. I thought it was normal. I tick all the boxes.

We've got a few members who have reported the experience SAD @Captain24

I haven't really delved into it much, but I can see it can be debilitating and seriously affect functioning.

I'm looking forward to the day you can look back and see what tremendous growth there have been

I always say that I don’t function in winter @tyme. All I want to do is be in bed. I struggle to get out of it. The days before I went back to work I was in bed every afternoon. Mostly I just sleep or sit on the lounge. I didn’t bath the dogs. I didn’t mow the lawn. I didn’t do anything other than clean my house. I don’t even want to go outside at all. Work is hard to get to. I just want to go to bed and not get up. I don’t see any enjoyment in the cold. I eat lots of shit to try and feel better. I’ve been having the munchies and thought that it was the med but I haven’t had that side effect.

I do think that I will get there in the end. But it’s hard to see that hope when everything is so hard. There has been so much growth but no improvement.

I don’t think you check your notifications @tyme but I’m going to write anyway.

I just journaled about the SAD thing. I wasn’t very nice to myself. My last line was ‘I’m not normal, I’m even more of a loser than I thought’

As much as I mean it, it hurt a lot. It hurt that there is another thing to add to the list. This journey keeps knocking me down every step I take.

Right now I’m hating myself and hating life.

Sorry.. not recovery focused but I’m seeing recovery slip further away. It’s ok to ban me if you need to.

I’m sitting here crying. I need to clean my kitchen but I just can’t get up and do it. All I have to do is empty the dishwasher, repack it and get rid of the rubbish. How hard is that? I’m feeling like such a loser right now. Not being able to do it is just proving I’m right.