I can’t cope

Would love a scone thanks @Eve7. I haven’t had a good scone since my nan started to lose her mind.

Hope you are doing ok after the last few weeks?

We are starting to work through my demons. It feels like I’m 8yrs old again @Former-Member. I can see where I was and where my brother was in the backyard on 2 of the occasions she said it. I feel the hurt I felt then.

Yes all the thoughts and feelings are going around in my head on repeat. I have a sick feeling in the pit of my stomach and the hurt is running around in my body and I want to get it out. I need to get it out.

Ive been mowing my backyard slowly so I don’t hurt my back. After all the rain it’s pretty hard work. But while I’m doing it I’m back in the backyard at home as a child. I’m doing it because it needs to be done but also because my mum has been telling me how horrible it looks. I keep looking at what I’ve don’t hoping it’s good enough.

I can’t escape her hold on me.

Hope it goes well @Eve7 and that you can keep it together. Thinking of you

@Eve7 we're here for you! What do you find useful for others to do?

What are they coming for?

Sounds like we've had some similar experiences @Captain24 ❤️ Sounds like really useful, but tough work to get through the demons.

I'm glad you've got something to distract you. And if the mowing needs to be done, I wonder if there's a way to quiet her voice in your head?

Something I do is tell myself 3 reasons the voice is wrong or how things have changed

Mum has been a constant voice in my head for 45 yrs. @Former-Member I need to get her out of it. I am working on it. Some days are just harder than others.

I feel so stupid that at my age she still has so much control over me and that I don’t have my sh*t together. I should have dealt with this along time ago.

I now see why I have made a lot of the choices I have. It’s to late to turn back the clock and change things. I just have to live with the consequences. I’ll just be that bitter old dog lady!

The important thing is that you've made the decision to free yourself @Captain24 ❤️ It will take time. Go gentle on yourself.

What else are you getting up to today?

I’ve just finished the backyard! @Former-Member.

This afternoon I will take Pixie for a walk with my parents. Which I will find really hard at the moment. But I’ve gotten out of it for the last 2 days so I can’t get out of it again. Then I’ll have to do my front lawn.

I will need to find something after that to try and distract my thoughts. I really need to find some sort of self care for myself.

Such strength and determination @Captain24 ❤️ I wonder if there is anything from Our coping toolbox 🧰 which tickles your fancy?

They came to check I was safe after my hospital stay last week @Former-Member

I told them I have an assignment to complete which will be a good distraction for the next few days.

How are you really going @Eve7