I can’t cope

I'm sorry to hear you feel that way @Captain24 I hope in time with some good supports you will be free of those thoughts. Let us know how you go with the MH nurse tomorrow?

My session with my nurse today was hard. I told her stuff about my childhood that I hadn’t told her before. Opening up was good but it bought it all back. I then backed off. I couldn’t keep going. The demons were way too much

Im so confused I have so much going through my head that I just can’t sort it out. I don’t understand it or understand what’s going on. I’m really struggling with it. It’s making me feel really unsettled and uneasy.

I feel like I’m failing at recovery. I feel like I’m letting my team down. Part of me doesn’t think I can do this but another part needs to so I can move on and heal.

I also need to work on my anxiety and need to start to let my guard down and making connections. I just don’t know how to.

I need to become a much better person and I need to find my confidence and voice. I need to be more positive. I need to start make connections but don’t know how, why would anyone want to connect with me.

I struggle to find anything positive about myself. I really hate who and what I’ve become.

My mum just rang asked what she needed to know and than hung up because I wasn’t focussed on her. It’s hard to talk with her after I have a session discussing what she has done to me. I really resent her at times like today.

I think she is a trigger.

I need to be able to work through and get over what has happened and gain the strength to deal with what she still does.

She has now rocked my already unstable boat and caused unhelpful thoughts.

Hey @Captain24 ,

I hear you. Sounds like your mother has been a trigger....

Did you work today?

After trying to sort through some of my mess that she caused today hearing from her is the last thing I need.

No. I finished at 7 yesterday morning and don’t go back until Friday @tyme

Hope you have been well.

I'm been pretty busy @Captain24 . I like to keep myself busy. I'm not usually on the forums tonight, but here I am! 🙂

I didn't sleep too well last night. I ended up cleaning my house instead, and moving furniture lol.

I’m so glad you’re able to keep busy @tyme. I think that’s such a good thing. It keeps things on track.

At least with not sleeping well you were productive. At least you have a clean house. Moving furniture sounds a bit drastic though! Lol

My house looks like a bombs gone off.

LOl @Captain24 - far from it! I've just sort of moved house and I'm waiting for a tradie to build a wardrobe, so my clothes are EVERYWHERE!!!

I'm just moving book cases, and shoe cabinets around. My bed isn't even made yet! I'm sleeping on a mattress on the floor because I keep changing my mind about where to put my bed in my room. I can't make up my mind, so I'm sleeping on the floor lol...

People reading this are probably thinking, 'does this person have REAL problems?'

Moving house is the worst @tyme. I completely get the chaos! I love the mattress on the floor.

Waiting for a tradie could take a while! You’ll have to get use to the clothes everywhere.

I was lucky as I partially designed my house and bought a lot of new furniture that I had measured to fit. So I had a pretty good idea where everything was going.

Are you still going to the salsa and Zumba classes?

So true @Captain24 . Every time I 'clean', I move clothes from one bag to another... it's such a hopeless state. But at least I moved my books onto my bookshelf in the dark last night.

I get up in the night for a toilet visit, and I see a book, so then I begin moving books in the dark - i didn't intend on doing it, so I left the lights off lol... in the end, I've pretty much filled the bookcase with books... and all in the darkness of the night... I kept saying "this is the last, this is the last... but it didn't happen until the end"