I can’t cope

Must be so hard sitting with these thoughts alone @Captain24 . Have you been noting down these thought patterns? I wonder if you have discovered a 'trigger' yet?

Unless it's something to do with being away and not being able to be yourself?

I don't know... only brainstorming.

I'm glad you are speaking to your MH team soon.

I’ve journaled it all @tyme. The session yesterday was the final trigger I think. We discussed the holiday which was triggering and my feelings around it. Also what I learnt about my family now that I’m working through my MI. I’m noticing and seeing things in a different light.

I’ve grown so much and learnt so much about myself in the last few months and starting to become a better version of me. Feeling like I had to be the old me was definitely hard and I think that has caused me a problem

Today I was in a truck that you don’t do much so it wasn’t a distraction. It gave me too much time to think. Now I have unhealthy thoughts running through my head.

I feel really unsettled and agitated. I’m scared. I feel like there is a darkness inside that I need to release.

I only have one wish but I can’t say it on here.

Awww @Captain24 ,

I'm sorry you are still feeling this way. I'm holding your hand through this.

Do you think meds are still causing havoc?

Hey @Captain24,

I am going to email you now xx

I don’t know what it is @tyme. I just want it to stop. I need to get this darkness out of inside me.

Im still increasing the mood stabilisers. Obviously they aren’t working. The anxiety/depression one has seemed to have helped a little with some anxiety I didn’t even realise I had.

💜 @Captain24

Thanks @tyme. I’m heading off to bed safe.

I'm here for you @Captain24 .

I'm really proud of you. Even if it is for staying safe tonight.

I'll catchya later!

Hugs, tyme

So I went for a walk this morning with

my parents. It’s the first time I’ve seen them since we got back on Monday. I was anxious and shaking when I saw them. I’m really starting to resent them. I don’t know how to over come it.

With the really dark place I’m in I don’t need anything else to send me further. It’s hard enough now.