I can’t cope

@Captain24 Ooh glad it went well! How did/does it feel having heard that, about the risky behaviour?

Oh nice!! 6th is so close yet so far... How did you go with the questionairre? They can be a bit confronting sometimes, makes you think about childhood and stuff.

Oh gladness! I hope it continues to improve 😌

My day was going fine... up till I managed to hit the curb with my front tyre earlier. And uhh... I already have the spare tyre on the back wheel from another popped tyre months ago. Which I never went to get fixed cos I just kept ADHD-hardcore-procrastinating it!!

So tomorrow I gotta call RACV to get that sorted instead of going to pick up my prescription. FUN TIMES!!

It was a bit confronting to hear but I feel really bad as I care about her but I’m not sure I’m ready to change my ways. @Jynx Yes.. I’ve done a lot of masking on here and in life.

Some of the childhood questions are hard because I didn’t act on what I wanted through fear of repercussions, if you get what I mean.

I’m hoping I have turned a corner. It would be so nice to be able to do stuff again. It’s nice to nearly be able to stand upright.

Oh dear!! Are you a wild driver or just a couple of mishaps??? Hopefully they can sort it out for you in time to pick up your scripts!

I have a procrastination issue!! I put it down to social phobia

@Captain24 all things in their own time hun. I will say though, sometimes we're not ready. But we gotta do it anyway. Cos we'll never actually be fully ready. Kinda like when we're in the process of quitting smoking, and keep giving ourselves excuses like 'oh but this stressful thing is coming up so I'll quit after that' or 'I've got too much on to even think about it'. It's another process of letting go of unhealthy coping tools and replacing them with desirable ones that don't end up also creating problems as they solve them.

So in short - don't rush, don't over-push yourself, cos that's where we can accidentally create shame if we don't achieve... but also don't keep waiting 'till you're ready' cos that day may not come in the way you want it to. Like allllll things in recovery and in life, it's all about balance 😉

That whole 'fear of repercussions' is how we all end up suffering behind these masks anyway. We are basically funky lil squares getting forced through a round hole, and masking is where we're tryina cut our corners off. But our corners are some of our best bits!! Like stimming. How good is stimming?

Haha not a wild driver, I got very mildly distracted by a guy on my street and pulled in too quick. The previous tyre pop was from a bloody nail on the road. Nah I have only ever been in one accident that I was the driver in - I was 17 and clipped a semi on my way to high school lol. But yeah nah I'm a good driver I promise!! hahaha

Honestly I think all procrastination is connected to anxiety. So that makes sense!! I found this yesterday actually, seems super relevant!!

Quitting smoking is an interesting senario @Jynx. I’ve just started quit smoking meds!

I know I have to think of others with my risky ways. They are getting worse. I’m not ready to reel them in but I guess I need to try. I do have things in place if it does go pear shaped. I need to stop thinking only of myself.

Mum just did the adult observation questionnaire. The one for how she observes me now and what I was like as a child. The hard part was she was comparing me to my brother. But it’ll be interesting as to what comes of it.

Ok.. what’s stimming???

Was the guy worth looking at ? 🤩

Glad to hear you’re a better driver than you sound… 😜

Hi @Captain24

Good to see you hon.

I hope your back is improving. Must have been bad to end up at the ED. I hope the meds do help.

Sending lots of 💗💗

Welcome home @Snowie. I read that the trip went well except for your luggage!

I could barely stand up. It was bad considering ED is triggering and I had to sit there for hours… But hoping I’m through the worst of it.

There were about 5 others that didn't get their luggage @Captain24 so not just me.

One young girl was missing her wheelchair. Mine seems like nothing in comparison.

I hope you are through the worst of it too. When do you have to work next? I'm sure driving a truck around wouldn't help either.

Also read you got through your break with your parents. Well done hon, that wouldn't have been easy either.

Oh.. a wheelchair.. that’s bad @Snowie

Im supposed to work tomorrow but I’ve called in sick and I already had Thursday off so I go back Friday night. I have lots of pain killers!

It wasn’t easy… but they supported me having my own time at the beach in the afternoons even in the rain and cold.

@Captain24 Oh you cheeky thing!! 😂 Hehehe

And nooooo he was NOT worth popping a tyre for! He was super bogan lol prolly what distracted me I was like 'Oh am I back in my home town?' 😅

Oooh nice!! Fingers crossed the meds do the trick!

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@Captain24 wrote:

I know I have to think of others with my risky ways. They are getting worse. I’m not ready to reel them in but I guess I need to try. I do have things in place if it does go pear shaped. I need to stop thinking only of myself.

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This is always a tricky one hey. I've struggled with it too, this tension between selfishness and people-pleasing. Too far in either direction and you're in trouble! Something I've observed for myself (and this doesn't have to be your truth, I just thought it was worth sharing) is that my progress in my recovery is always more significant when I am choosing to make changes for me. Not cos my psych wants me to, not cos society tells me I should, but because I have decided enough is enough and I need to do something. The empowerment becomes a motivation, and plus, if I'm not doing it for others, I don't have to worry about disappointing them either!

Oof, yeah I know how much it hurts to be compared to your bro. Very not fun. But I too am curious to see how it goes!

Stimming is a term in ND circles to describe repetitive movements utilised in self-soothing. For instance, hand flapping, leg bouncing, rocking, all that kinda stuff. Also stuff like fidgeting - hence why sensory and fidget toys are so popular amongst ND folks!

My latest stimmy thing is these lil 1m chains from bunnings. Literally just chains! And I flip and twirl em around my hands cos it feels really nice. Kinda like spinning a necklace chain around but they're thicker so there's more oomph in the twirl 😋

She was part of an Aus Basketball team @Captain24 so she had her normal wheelchair but not her basketball one.

Hopefully by Friday night it is a little better hon. I can't see those truck seats being overly comfortable.

Glad you got some alone time whilst away. It certainly is needed. The dogs must have loved the beach too!