I can’t cope

They will try everything at least once @tyme!

Until they kark it @Snowie ! They test every boundary...

100% not you @tyme. I feel like I could say to you if it was.

It was an action but there isn't any point in doing anything. It’s just me. It’s not the first time. I wasn’t even given any support. It just showed me I’m not worth support or belonging.

It’s not worth going over. I just have a few decisions to make. Do I just leave? Do I take a break? Do I only come on here when I’m in a good place?

How did you go with your syd sister?

I'm sorry these questions are going through your mind. @Captain24 I can see they are hard to sit with. Whatever you choose, I respect your decision and still support you fully. But if you leave, I can no longer sit with you and ride the waves as I'd promised.

As for my syd sister, she's been okay. No more arguments. She's not one to hold grudges or anything.

They are all here for dinner. My syd BIL has been vacuuming for 2 hours! Both my Syd sis and BIL are perfectionists. It's all or nothing. So my syd BIL got a bee in his bonnet and wanted to vacuum behind my parents' computer table... and he's still vacuuming. The whole room is hot from the vacuum run for so long. He's moved all the tables, he's pulled apart the computer, he's plugged everything... according to my sister, if he does something, he does it 150%... I said "You do that too". Then my sis said, "But not as bad as him".

So according to my sis, their car is absolutely messy, but if he gets the bug to clean, it takes him 5 hours and it's immaculate.

So yeah... this is my strange family.

I would miss you @tyme and @Snowie @Jynx. But I’m also questioning whether I am too much for you all to. Whether you all only want me when I’m well. or do I only come in when you are on?

That sounds a bit excessive! That’s a lot of vacuuming! I’d actually be a little offended if someone did that at my place. I can be the same just not that extreme especially if someone is coming. It’ll take me days when someone is actually staying.

Im glad that you and your sister are ok. Just think you only see her once a year. (Remind me of this, if I’m still here, when I see my brother!)

Hey @Captain24 ,

Totally your choice to consider what makes you feel safest. Some members choose to spend some time away and then return, some don't return, some just stay, some have boundaries around how long they use the forums, some people have posting plans in place which means they can only post on certain days/times, some can only post a certain number of posts, some are only permitted to post when certain moderators are on...

As much as we have a set of 'rules' when moderating forums, we have individualised plans for different members. And yes, where possible, the plan is developed with the member, but there are times where SANE staff have to enforce the plan. But this discussion is set out clearly via email as a Safe Posting Plan discussion.

So yes, moderating is not just moderating. There's a lot that goes on in the background.

Let us know what you think will work for you. We can either develop a plan together, or you can set boundaries yourself, or we can also enforce a plan (if this is what you want). We just to make sure you feel supported. Or we can leave it as it is. Totally up to you.

As for my syd BIL. He's just finished. It took him nearly 4 hours... my parents just let him do whatever. They know what he's like. My parents aren't argumentative at all.

Did you get up to much today?

I would miss you too @Captain24 I really like our chats.

My thoughts are that these forums are here to help, support, guide us when things are hard. That talking to others who are going through similar things helps us. Even giving support to others can help us too.

I've never thought you were "too much". What really is too much anyway?

What does "well" mean too? I think that looks different for everyone.

Sorry for all the questions!

I need to stay away from certain moderators. It’s not the first time I’ve been left feeling like this. @tyme

That’s a lot! I didn’t know that there were plans like that. It would help with boundaries. Im not very good with them. I have no self control. This shows as I’m talking to you when I said I was leaving!

Finally! Having the vacuum going for so long would really grate on my nerves. Everyone has family challenges.. 😜

At least it’s all clean now!

Hows Ruby doing?

I enjoy our chats too. @Snowie

Too much… I keep writing things that I shouldn’t. Obviously what I’m thinking or feeling is unacceptable. Which makes me feel like I’m obviously too much for the forums.

For me well means that I’m not in such a dark place that I have such negative thoughts and self talk. I understand that that is what the forums are for but I seem to do it all wrong, maybe if I’m only on here when I’m feeling better then I’ll have that sense of belonging.

Look, moderators are human too @Captain24 . Despite there being an AI part to moderation, there is also a human part. As with all humans, there are those we are closer to than others, and there are those we get along with better than others - and that's totally okay. You take what works and you leave what doesn't.

For example, to be very honest, I find it very easy to talk to you. Others may see this as 'favouritism'. Yet looking at how I post, I connect with all members. And those that respond more often, I respond back more often. Does that even make sense? But yes, things like this can cause issues on the forums too.

The main thing is, each member is entitled to have adjustments made as part of their access to their forums. And yes, for some, we need to remove forum access for some time in order to ensure the community is kept safe. But with these members, other supports are in place that only that member knows of.

So yeah, this is some of the work we do in the background.

As for Ruby [dog], I think she's still okay. We are going to monitor her for 24-48 hours to see how she goes. Fingers crossed she vomited it all out. It was a lot of toxic meds there.

I don't know what the computer room looks like. I'll have a look tomorrow.

Oh, and when I travelled, I brought one pair of shoes and thongs.. Ruby chewed up my thongs, so now I only have 1 pair of shoes lol... I may go into the city to buy some shoes tomorrow... not what I was expecting....

I'm going to be off in about 15 minutes. Do you have any plans for tomorrow?