I can’t cope

I’m not ok

Hey @Captain24 ,

I've just made a fleeting visit to the forums tonight and I came across your message. Is there anything I can do to make it a little easier for you tonight?

It sounds incredibly tough.

It doesn’t matter. No one would probably care if I disappeared

I thought you had given up on me @tyme. I’ve just been to negative and difficult for you.

Just a shoulder would be good.

Of course I haven't given up on you! @Captain24

Sorry if you thought so. I'm working on a presentation for tomorrow lol. Sort of a bit behind. I'm only on slide 2 lol and I've been working on it all night.

It's frustrating me so I hope to sleep on it because it aint going anywhere tonight!

Talk about me and the 11th hour to complete things!

I totally know you were be stressed to the skies if you were in my position.

Ahhh.... joys of being different.

Hugs to you @Captain24

@Captain24 I'd be absolutely, monumentally, ginormously f&%king devastated if you disappeared!!

Please continue to take up my time!! It's always time well spent for me 😊

Did you wanna chat about your psych appt? Take a moment to check in with yourself first! If unpacking it could potentially push you outside your window of tolerance today, we can always try another day. The option of light-hearted chats is always on the table 💜

Hey @Jynx

The only people in my life that would notice is my parents and that just because of the dogs. It would take a while for everyone else to notice.

So my psych has manipulated that memory. I now see that particular memory as her walking 8 year old me to my nan and pops house and then hugging me. That’s really weird ay? She has taken the sting out of it.

But yesterday when I woke up I felt like a different person. I had confidence at work. I owned my mistakes and just laughed them off. But there wasn’t that many. I just felt all round better. Then as the evening came round I fell in a heap again. But I was tired.

Today (up until now) has been a good day too. It was raining really heavily at work so everything was slippery. I was comfortable calling up when it was too slippery. I was comfortable when we started a new dig and it was wet. I did ok with what I had to do. My confidence is so different.

Everything changed after that manipulation. Does that even make sense? Like how? What did she do to me? That is a question I will be asking on Tuesday! It’s not a bad thing. I see it as a step in the right direction, it’s just really weird.

Oh yeah imagery rescripting is powerful stuff hey @Captain24!! Kinda whacky how easily our brains can be altered like that!! I read about this psych study where they got subjects (who had never had this experience) to vividly imagine and describe a memory of getting lost at the shops as a kid. Then they followed up like a few weeks or whatever later, and like a lot of the partcipants who had previously reported having never had that experience now reported that they had!!

I'm soooo glad to hear how much of an impact it has had! Oh and not to worry about the weirdness feeling, that's normal!! To me it is indicative of growth - because to grow we gotta step outside of the comfort zone, and that always feels weird!

Oh I'm giddy for you darlin.

She is an amazing psych isn’t she @Jynx I really want to see her in person next week but leaving at 4:30am to get there is too hard. To many Roos.

I couldn’t remember the word but she did call it imagery rescripting thank you.

It’s like my head knows the memory is there and in full detail. There was more than just being unwanted. (A lot more) but my mind doesn’t see it as bad anymore. It sees me in nan and pops arms. Ps I was pops favourite grandchild. I’m one of 19!

But I don’t get how it has changed so much different stuff over night? It hasn’t helped when I’m really tired and my mind enters that dark place. But I guess it may eventually.

To go from wanting to end my life so I didn’t have to go to work last week to waking up with some confidence the following week was a bit of a change.

Anyway…. How are you after your rough day?