I can’t cope

Pretty much hey @ArraDreaming just like the dishes and laundry lol

hey there @Captain24 @ArraDreaming!

@ArraDreaming bird watching sounds lovely, do you have a favourite bird you're looking out for?

I’m home @Jynx

I need 3 pairs. One for distance, one for reading and a pair of safety glasses for work!

Last night was a real mess. I decided that there was only one way to not have to go to work. I’m still having the same thoughts. I’ve had enough. I don’t want to do this anymore.

Then we had a pretty big storm. Jett looked out the backyard, then looked at me with his eyes popping out of his head, pix wasn’t really ok either. Jetts never seen a storm so big. There was 70km/hr winds, heavy rain and lots of thunder and lightning.

They needed me to comfort them. I said to Jett ‘come here little man’ and he came running and jumped up. Poor little fella.

@Captain24 oh my goodness, you must have to spend a fortune on glasses! I honestly think this might be the thing that finally convinces me to be a Real Adult™️ and go get me some private health insurance 😅

Aww hun, first off BIG HUGS 🫂🫂

Secondly, pls remember that our funky monkey brains like to try to match our emotional distress with equally extreme solutions. It sounds like work is potentially one of the biggest sources of stress in your life at the moment, and the pain of that stress might be fuelling the SI. Do you reckon?

Also has the SI been increasing a bit lately? Just wondering if it is worth having a think about whether you need a bit more support (if that's an option for you rn). Or maybe even just pulling out and revising/refreshing your safety plan?

Aww pupper's first big thundy huh? Do your chihuahuas shake? Were they like, tiny vibrating doggos last night? 🤣

I haven’t bought glasses in about 10 years if not longer @Jynx! I haven’t had an eye test in 7 years! I do have health insurance but not sure how much will be covered.

My SI is getting really bad. My head isnt being friendly. It’s only think extreme thoughts. Work has become a big problem. The SH urge is getting out of control. It’s hard to resist and getting harder. I don’t know how long I can hold out.

I have a Telehealth appointment with my psych on Tuesday.

I’ve looked at my safety plan but I feel like it makes me feel even worse.

@Captain24 hopefully most of the expense!! When I went in, I was expecting to be just long-sighted, cos I have noticed I need things to be further away from my face to read em. But they found that there is some eye strain going on - and when putting the lenses on I felt tangible relief!! I was shocked tbh, and now even more excited to get glasses cos I do spend so many hours staring at screens. I wonder if you get similar strain from driving at night? Those bloody LED headlights probably don't help either!! But yeah maybe worth booking an eye test to see if you need an update, could be surprised at the difference it makes! Food for thought though you know, one thing at a time!!

Hmm okay so it is worsening, which is worrisome hey. But you've survived 100% of the times you've felt like this previously, I know you can do it again. Wish to all the gods you didn't have to push through it all again but... well, we also do learn new things every time we do! Still, it's good you got a psych appt soon. Do you feel like you'll be able to be fully honest with her? It's okay if you're not sure!

Oh no, really? That's not what you want!! Do you wanna unpack a little bit together, maybe figure out which bits are triggering and see if we can't tweak it a bit? I know I'm only here for another hour but if we don't finish tonight we can continue tomorrow - but totally up to you hun. Lemme know 💜

It’s just another thing my avoidant personality needs to conquer @Jynx.

I can’t write what has happened on here.

I think I can be honest with her. She seen me at my worst in hospital and I unloaded a lot on her before she was my psych.

I’m finding my SP to be pushing me to do stuff that I just don’t have the capacity to do. Even a shower is too hard. I did change rooms but I couldn’t pick up the book to read. I just don’t have the energy. I avoided a message from my best friend. I just can’t talk to her. I can take what’s going on with her.

@ArraDreaming ahh i see, that's a really great way of practicing mindfulness! i think i'll try that this week.

@Captain24 wanted to pop in and send you some healing energy, hope the psych visit gives you a chance to unload all those heavy feelings 💛✨