I can’t cope

Thanks @MJG017

I needed to be held accountable @tyme

It warmed up this afternoon. The sun was shining all day but I didn’t go out in it.

How was it there?

It's true about being accountable @Captain24

Knowing you, I feel you need people as part of your recovery. I know you always keep your word and you don't like to let people down.

I've been listening to this audiobook "Let Go". Pretty amazing book. I wouldn't recommend it to you at this stage as it can be very triggering, but I found it so powerful.

The sun was absolutely lovely today. I stayed in it for a bit. Not too long though.

I do need people @tyme. I hate letting people down and I do try and keep

my word.

Remind me of that book in the future. I don’t know that I can take anything right now.

Im just trying to hang on as it is. I’m sitting here crying. Thoughts running through my head.

I spent time in the sun while I was away and got sunburnt. I’m pealing, only that fine stuff, but I have a dermatologist appointment so she is going to be impressed!

Do you have plans tomorrow?

Lol @Captain24 . Let's see what the dermatologist says.

I'm busy tomorrow. I haven't even thought about exactly what I'm doing. I just remember that it will be a busy one. I've got church in the morning and the rest I'll plan out later once I log off. I'll be online in the evening though - for the Sunday Hangout.

What are you doing tomorrow?

I hope you get it sorted @tyme. Write a list and check it off… that’s my way of getting through busy days.

I need to mow the lawns but I don’t know if I can. I will try. Other than that probably nothing. I know I need to do better. My main task will be cleaning off the kitchen bench. There is no empty space on it. My bench shows where my mood is sitting.

Im too scared to go on the hangout.

I bought a slap band (remember them from childhood) I’m using that.

Did you have kids in the bed last night?

Slap bands are great! I'm glad you are using them. Nowadays, they have ones with spikes, ones that glow, ones that have poppit thingos on it @Captain24

Kids? Of course. Last night and tonight. Arrrghhh. I got cranky at them this morning so I kicked them out and told them to go home. Far out.. they wake so early.

I know what you mean about the Hangout. This is something we can work on in the future. It's probably not the best time at the moment. However, anytime you want support to join, let me know. I'd be more than happy to support you.

Lawns... again? It seems you only just did it. Then again, I used to do mine every week. I didn't like doing the lawns, but I liked the look after they were done. It was a good experience I guess. My house now doesn't have lawn.

What are you doing tomorrow?

I really really need a spiky one right now. This isn’t doing what I wanted it to do @tyme It’s not really helping. It’s not distracting the way I need it to.

What time do they wake up?

Yeah.. now is definitely not the right time to join. Maybe I’ll try soon if things stop happening.

The lawns are the bain of my existence! I hate doing them but they do look better when done. I really need to weed’n’feed them as the weeds are really bad. My garden beds are atrocious. The weeds are above my knee.

How do you have no lawn? You’re in a house right?

I've got garden beds with fruit trees. (mulberry, mandarin, lemon, fig)... It's hard to explain. I've got hedges too. There's one small area with artificial grass for Ruby to do her business. Then there's the pool which is decking and tiles... so yeah, I don't really have lawn. It's pebbly/gravelly outside in the front where it isn't driveway.

My other place has lawn though, but I get a gardener to do that @Captain24

You know what I have that is really awesome and give you the feeling you need? It's a Shakti mat. It's full of spikes and when you just need to feel something, you lie on it, and then peel yourself away - the feeling wow... supposedly there are 'fake' kmart ones, but they don't work as well. I have the real one.

Are the fruit trees hard to maintain? @tyme. Do you have to do anything? Other than that it sounds like an easy yard.

I should get a gardener! How is the guy going in your house?

Where do you get those mats? Or where do you find the Kmart ones. Is it in like the sports section or something? I want to find something before I go down the wrong path. I am doing that badly.