I can’t cope

She was taken off in an ambulance @tyme.

Have a good night.

talk later in the week.

I walked down to the beach this morning for the sunrise. My Pdoc said I have to walk everyday. But I Ubered back up the hill. It’s a fair walk down there though.

I just got back from going down there again. I saw my psych in passing today and she said I wasn’t to go to bed but I had to go back to the beach. I don’t like letting people down.. the whole fawn response, so down I went. Ubered back up as well. I have to consider my back.

Im sitting here feeling really exhausted, while it’s a good exhausting, it has me spiralling. It’s dinner time but I don’t think I can do it.

Hey @Captain24 I can see that today's been quite exhausting for you and i'm proud of you for pushing through! I know that physical pain can make it harder to engage in activities, I hope your back gets better - are you able to get a heat pack or something to help with the back?

That photo of the sunset is absolutely beautiful 😍 i love sunset photos so much and that's probably one of the best ones i've seen during the colder seasons

you're more capable than you think @Captain24! i hope you get some time to rest and recover before dinner time, you got this 💙

Dinner has finished @rav3n. If I get hungry later there are usually sandwiches in the fridge.

I just had a shower and washed the sand off me. It’s gotten so cold here.

Im hoping that my meds work tonight and I can get to sleep. Last night was a struggle sleeping but the anti-depressant that she took me off helps with sleep.

I’ll go down for the sunrise again in the morning and I’ll try walking back. Hopefully my back copes. I don’t have a heat pack and there isn’t one here to use. They don’t have them.

I nearly did something bad on my walk. I need to talk about it but I can’t go to anyone in here as they will revoke my leave and probably make me stay longer.

@Captain24 hey darlin, just poppin in to say hi!

Just a thought, but if you're feeling like you need to talk to someone but you don't wanna talk to the staff there, you could always give the SANE line a buzz?

Hey @Jynx

Will they have to report it though? It was my irrational mind not my rational mind. It was like I didn’t know I was doing it until the last minute

@Captain24 just to make sure we're on the same page, are you referring to self-harm? As in, you were experiencing really strong SH urges on your walk - and now it is sounding as though you have self-harmed? If that's the case, we'd mainly be trying to ensure that you don't need medical attention, and work with you on a plan to help keep you safe for the rest of the evening.

If you're talking about suicide ideation and making a suicide attempt, it's a different story though - is this something you're concerned about as well?

Does this answer your question? Happy to provide any further info you might need darlin. And like, if you have self-harmed and you're feeling pretty down about it, then yeah I'd say that's the perfect time to give SANE a buzz. You could always try now, see if you can squeeze in before they close?

I journaled it @Jynx. I don’t journal. Writing it down helped a little. It has taken the edge of it.

I won’t go into details but I am safe.

I'm so glad to hear the journalling was helpful for you @Captain24!! Can feel pretty weird when you're not in the habit, but maybe this shows that it could be a super handy coping tool for you to build a habit out of? Food for thought anyway 😉

I don’t think it’s something I can do all the time @Jynx. I might need a nudge occasionally!

I did write about how shutdown and numb I’m feeling but even writing it I couldn’t get to the under lying feelings.