I can’t cope

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@Captain24 wrote:

Please don’t take it as a personal attack @tyme. Both you and Jynx are mostly good at it. I get that things slip through and I get that negative posts are

more important but encouragement goes a long way too.

Also can you please read my previous post if you have time.

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Absolutely @Captain24 . I 100% agree that encouragement goes a long way.

It pushed me one step closer @tyme! Maybe I do have the strength.

I haven’t done anything with it, I need to get my act together. I thought if I have free time while I’m away I’ll try and get stuck into it. Not sure about free time though. I have lots of friends from my last stay coming to visit!

My CM doesn’t have anytime for me and my psych only cares about me being angry. I haven’t seen my Pdoc since well before I went to hospital last time. I feel alone. I feel unwanted.

It’s not like passing thoughts. It’s like one to the other. It’s not extreme okish. It’s just mild but the dark is extreme. The dark seems to be more often than the okish. was more wondering if it’s like this moving forward.

That's a hard feeling to feel 'unwanted' @Captain24 . I'm wondering if they think you have the supports in place for you to try standing on your own two feet? I really don't know. Would you tell them what you've shared here tonight? It sounds like it is really upsetting, and perhaps even affecting your recovery? Of course, only if you feel able to.

As for the thoughts, I really don't know. Then again, do thoughts have weight if we don't act on them?

Maybe I can try talking to them @tyme. I can’t seem to find the strength to stand up for myself. I just let them walk all over me. It hurts to think I’m just not good enough for them.

I can’t seem to let the thoughts pass, they take me down with them.

Would it help to write it down and then it's more guided when you have a conversation with them @Captain24 ?

I can try writing it down. @tyme. I don’t actually see anyone for 5-6 weeks anyway. But I have to do something. It hurts and yes it isn’t good for my recovery. I seem to be trying to please them but it feels like that don’t care or don’t get me. I’m guessing my CM will just discharge me and forget about me.

I am trying so so hard but I need help, I can’t do it on my own.

Have you ever asked them, "Do you want to discharge me because you feel I can do it alone now?"

From what I remember, they have case reviews regularly and they look at who to discharge. I remember my CM advocated for me to show them how much I still needed the support.

I can see how not having the support from a CM can affect the process. As I said, maybe talking to them about your concerns is helpful? I don't know. @Captain24

No I haven’t asked @tyme. I’m scared that they will just say go. But at the same time I’m not getting anything from anyone anyway. I’ll have to send her an email. She doesn’t have time to see me. After 3 emails and 2 phone mag’s she finally got back to me today to say she is too busy. It’ll give it sometime to work out how to word it properly.

It has bought me unstuck. I’m not ok.

Totally okay @Captain24 . It doesn't have to be done now. Maybe leave it for after your admission?

It's just something to think about. As you said, they aren't doing much anyway, and it seems when you see them or contact them, there is added stress. Is that fair to say?

Just focus on the now and your achievement for today. Leave it for another day.

Yeah.. they are really getting to me. @tyme. My team shouldn’t make me feel so unwanted. At least I have the structure of hospital coming up. I need to focus on hospital!

Yes.. I need to try and bring myself back. This is what I don’t know how to do.