I can’t cope

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@Captain24 wrote:

I hope they kick in soon @NatureLover. I can’t take anymore of this.

Im not ok @lavenderhaze. My life is not worth living

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Am sad to hear @Captain24 😢

Major depression is the worst thing ever. I can empathise from a lot of past experience.

Thinking of you and hoping you can hang on till the meds kick in 🤞

Is it really bad that it’s 10am and I have just woken up? I guess I drugged myself pretty well last night.

One thing it makes less of a day to face.

I have an appointment with the smoking cessation lady and with my CM today. Hopefully my CM listens instead is the shit she rattles on with.

I don't want to go. If I didn’t have the other appointment I just wouldn’t. Maybe then she would listen to me.

I have to convince myself to shower before I go. That feels like too much in itself.

I have so much to do around the house. It’s a disgrace. I am ashamed of it. Maybe if I write a list I might get a little done before my appointments. I can’t go back to bed until after them.

Hi @Captain24,

It's not bad at all, do you feel rested?

I can hear that everything feels like too much

How did your appointment go?

Writing a list sounds like a good idea ❤️

I don’t feel rested @lavenderhaze. I could still be there.

Im sitting here waiting for my first appointment. This is the stop smoking one and I’ve never met her so I’m really anxious. After her I have my CM

I have written a list and I have done a couple of little things. That’s something I guess. It was extremely hard work but at least the kitchen has no rubbish and the dishes are in the dishwasher.

How are you going? I’ve been to self absorbed to ask.

I just sat here for 30 mins and she didn’t turn up for the appointment. Now my CM is running late. How do I find a sense of worth in myself when no one else does? She’s got 5 minutes and then I leave. I guess they don’t really care.

sitting with you @Captain24

are you still sitting there or have you gone home xxx

Hi @Captain24

Good on you for getting some chores done, I know how exhausting it is

I am really sorry they didn't turn up, I can imagine this is not very helpful to how you've been feeling

I hope the appointment with the CM goes well and you feel a bit better

You're valuable hun and your value is defined by you, not others

Sometimes human errors happen but I am sure they care

We care too

Sitting with you ❤️

I am doing good, thank you. I am looking forward to have lunch, very hungry haha

They got the times wrong so I ended up being double booked so my CM wasn’t happy. @lavenderhaze @Shaz51

The first appointment was positive. She thinks I’m doing really well with not smoking.

My CM kinda listened but I have left the appointment with her with a sick feeling in the pit of my stomach. It’s like she has no respect for me now. It’s my own fault. I don’t deserve respect. I agree that I f*cked up but I need help through it. I have to do a safety plan and send it through to her. Help would have been nice. I can’t do it on my own. I guess there is no point anyway. There is no point in life.

My CM called. She is concerned about my safety. She asked if I had a plan and I said yes. She then asked if I had the means to carry it out and that was a yes too. I cried. I cried through the whole conversation.

She said she was really harsh in our appointment. I told her that it feels like she has no respect for me left. She said she knew that’s how I would feel which is why she rang me. She is ringing me tomorrow.

Awwww @Captain24 . Thank you for sharing this with us. I'm sorry this is so hard and you felt your CM was very harsh during your appointment.

I'm glad to hear you were able to be honest with her and let her know this is how it affected you.

Did she work through safety planning with you?