I can’t cope

Ha ha @Captain24 just saw the photo now!! I hope you were able to get some of the ironing done.

Hi @Captain24 , that's amazing you are hoping to work in mental health!

Good luck today - I think you might be at work already if you are ona day shift? Are you still on light duties?

I know no one is around but I need to get this out anyway.

I know some of my triggers are my parents, ambulances, hearing people say ‘I love you’ especially parents and children and not sleeping after my last night shift.

I discovered today that a massive trigger is my immediate boss. I was hoping to join the team of the new boss. But no I am stuck with the other one. He doesn’t give a shit about me to him I’m bipolar not me, not a person. I have an illness I am NOT my illness.

It’s triggered me massively and it has put me into a really really dark place. A place I’ve worked so hard to get out of.

@Captain24 I am really sorry to hear that you are having difficulties with your boss.

Have you spoken to someone about this?

Were you working today?

I only found out today that I have to continue with him @Friendlyflutter. He is away for the next couple of blocks. He is kinda like second in charge as he has a smaller group but I’ll try and talk to the other boss this weekend.

But basically I have to just cope with it. If it gets too bad I can go to HR. After I discovered it today I no longer love my job. It’s just a work place now.

I need to move past this. I need to sleep to get up and go again tomorrow.

The thoughts are really dark though.

Yes I’m working all of Easter. I drive a big truck in a coal mine so it doesn’t shut down.

Sorry @Friendlyflutter I forgot to add that I’m safe

I’m laying here in desperate need to go to sleep but I’m having flashbacks. What is this shit. This doesn’t happen to me. I don’t get flashbacks.

@Captain24 Did you manage to get to sleep? Sorry to hear about the flashbacks 😢

Also sad to hear that your boss is a massive trigger 😣

Sending care...

Hi @Captain24 , just wondering how work is going? I think you are on day shift of 5 days straight...

Are you still on light duties?

Hoping you can avoid your triggering boss as much as possible... 🫂

Hi @NatureLover

Sorry I’ve been slack.

Work has been ok. Im back in full duties and I’ve just done my 3 days and I have Monday and Tuesday nightshifts.

I haven’t had to deal with my boss as he is away for a while. I get lots of comments that I look happy and refreshed. If only the knew what I have been through.

Im torn as to how I am. I have 2 parts. The outside part of me is fine and I can see and know who I am. I’m at peace. I’m content. All is ok. But the inside part has a deep ache, a hollow pain. It’s like a dark hole in me. I don’t know how to describe it.

I did some things I shouldn’t do try and release the ache. I haven't done that for a while. It’s a mistake I’ve done a couple of times. I guess that means it’s not a mistake.

This is why I’ve been absent as I’m a contradictory mess.

Sorry for putting all that on you.

Anyways. I hope you are doing ok?