Gaslighting at workplace

@bazzy Sorry you went through this.

I have been wary of corporate culture all along. The people I "met" socially you belonged to it were often very cynical self serving and laughed at the pain of others, yes sadistic At that time I was nowhere close to revealing my own situations so it was nothing personal, but simply an eye opener to what super competitive dog eat dog social environments are like. The problem is that many people feel they have to join them for 'the money' and sacrifice their better selves to fit in.

Work for a while on your own healing. It is good you can rely on family. Gradually choose which environments you can safely belong to.

@Appleblossom Yes, very upperclass mentality and they define what's normal from their own perception and you can't be yourself around them and if you do they perceive as boring or weird or unusual. Yes, I was fed that same word dog eat dog world stuff and then just being fed these one word answers which make you question yourself and you lose your own voice in that environment to the point where you become crazy. I nearly ended up in a mental institution where I felt I was treated like a child, prisoner, fraud and an aged person all in one environment and you don't know who to trust at all. If you ever watched Star Trek Voyager - The Thaw where they handle fear and your own fears are used against you to the point of no return. I struggle with self confidence even the simplest move require every ounce of strength. Most of my favourite tv shows from the 80's and 90's triggers my memories from the Department I worked for and I cannot unlearn that at all. I am scared of meeting girls or interacting with them because of a fear what might happen to me in the future because I've heard so many bad stories of family quarrels and domestic disputes about finances and who will take care of the child.

Just by their presence next to me they could trigger my fight or flight, fawn or freeze response and they got a real thrill out of that sadistic behaviour and I nearly became one of them. My parents are worried why I was acting so strange around the house.

@tyme @Clawde I have been on a mental health care plan but the psychologist I saw thought I was trying uphold a conspiracy which is why I stopped going to him but I do have a recording from him saying that it's sad that the department you work with doesn't care about you. What i have been told it's like this everywhere which makes me so apprehensive of working in Australia altogether and move into another country if it's like this kind of culture like everywhere. I have spoken to some of the counsellors on sane.com they were a million times better than the EAP ones and the psychologists I saw

I've become so desentised to a lot of things. It was such a loud environment so much yelling people banging things on their desks I want my old self back the one who was kind hearted and sensitive towards others.

@Clawde I am a vegetarian man, I am against killing of animals but I understand and respect why people do it that's why I respect religion up to a point of course.

Hello @bazzy @Appleblossom and anyone else reading along, work places can be extremely difficult, on every level.

but isn’t a managers job to make sure there staff feel welcome and safe, and manage there people, so when the toxic crap starts, they are supposed to end it, and if anyone is the brunt of the bullying can’t they report this and some sort of legal help ? instead of loosing good people from the work force.

@Clawde You may think so but management do not care and it's not their responsibility to take of your mental health, that's yours. As politically incorrect that may seem and what if you are in a department where bullying is part of the culture?

Hi @bazzy so sorry life is hard, it’s just not fair.

you would think that humans could be kind everyone has stuff going on you would think it’s only a job, so why some people act like they do is frightening, just take care, take care of you, not all places are bad, there are some decent kind workplaces because the people there make it so.

when you have had enough, just before you close the door and leave, name them and tell all the exit interview of a work place is the truth.

maybe it will help with the next poor sole, that has to endure this crap, going to tag in @MDT , he has work war story’s too, he has been around, I am sure he can put some light on this.

@bazzy

Sometimes we have to find out what kind of work suits our personalities if we have that option. Sometimes its just 'tuff it out' to pay the bills. One advantage of getting older, for me, is that I gained more security and more choice. The last narcissist I worked for I called out, and left.(20 years ago) It was good to be not so desperate I had to put up with it. Whereas when I was a teenager, I put up with a lot of rubbish.

Years ago .. almost another life, I worked for 3 different govt departments. I was lucky, I had average to very good bosses. Then I mainly have worked for myself.

Yep @Clawde is right on. Managers are supposed to look after the well being of their staff. I am not sure if it is one of the down sides of so called "progress". Mostly these days, I have heard that managers are all about KPIs and push push push.

Not sure about your GP. Sometimes it takes a while.

Hi @bazzy so sorry life is hard, it’s just not fair.

you would think that humans could be kind everyone has stuff going on you would think it’s only a job, so why some people act like they do is frightening, just take care, take care of you, not all places are bad, there are some decent kind workplaces because the people there make it so.

when you have had enough, just before you close the door and leave, name them and tell all the exit interview of a work place is the truth.

maybe it will help with the next poor sole, that has to endure this crap, going to tag in @Hams , he has work war story’s too, he has been around, I am sure he can put some light on this.

@Clawde That's the thing I didn't have an exit interview at all. My mental health has taken a hit, they knew I had severe fight or flight responses yet they did nothing and I had like cabin fever and paranoid delusional thoughts while being on the phone. I tried going through HR, Human Rights Commission, Union and trying to comcare still got rejected was not allowed in because they consider me to much of a trouble maker. I can still feel the trauma I had to endure in my eyes after I had that meeting with the senior executives imagine being very innocent and absorbing that and now I cannot feel anything and I am worried what might happen to me in the future.

@Appleblossom Well, the ones I had were horrible very immature adults themselves and they were forcing me to do things that I normally wouldn't do and I am scared what might my future relationship may feel like because I honestly feel numb these days nothing feel good and I just like a blank person on the inside.

Hey @bazzy ,

It's so important for you to reach out and get these things off your chest. I have worked in very challenging government departments myself.

It's sad to see that KPIs and targets are put before people's wellbeing and health. It is so unfair, but this is truly what's happening. I know first hand and when I have escalated it, the loopholes in policies are there so that they have themselves covered.

Moving on, I chose not to dwell on these unfortunate circumstances. I practiced gratitude where I could and did a lot of self talk e.g. "I'm here for the people I'm serving. Without me, they'd be worse off."

That's how I stuck to the job.

Sad, but it's reality.

I hope you will also be able to find a way to rise above the pain. I hear it has really had damaging effects on you. For me, that's where my private psychologist came in - one I trusted and could debrief and vent to.

tyme