Looking back at old things

I did this and its my fault I know, but man, I wish I didn’t do that.
Looked through a bunch of old emails and messages from 2016/17/18 and bloody hell I was unwell.
I can’t believe how bad I was.
I feel sick with shame and guilt

I want erase that part (and pretty much everything prior to that) from my life time

I’m sorry to anyone who had to deal with me at my worst, I was an awful human being. I feel so ashamed.
Im so sorry. And there’s a bunch of people I can no longer contact and apologise to.
If they get an opportunity read this I want them to know I still feel bad to this today but nothing I ever said was personal, I knew no other way of coping but to use you as a target and I’m so sorry. So sorry. I’m sorry to the people I drove to breaking point, I wish I had known better