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Do YOU feel safe? (LONG).

florencefiftySenior Contributor11 Apr 2022, 9:53 pm AEST

Do YOU feel safe? (LONG).

I can tell this thread is going to be at least 400 words... now I'm really back, huh?

Today was an interesting day at work. It was really hectic, and by the end, my head was buzzing. Then I got my last phone call for the day.

It was an elderly gentleman, who was considering buying a car, and wanted to go through the insurance. Because of his age, I had to tread carefully. It took MORE THAN AN HOUR to get it all finished, because he was fairly conversational and the situation was complicated.

I finally went home around sunset. It was really satisfying to pack my bag with no-one in the office.

Unfortunately, my bus was cancelled.

Today, bus drivers around NSW had a 24-hour strike. They were running on a Saturday timetable, and my bus doesn't run on a Saturday... so I had to catch a bus into town and change from there.

I was already a tad nervous. It was about to rain A LOT. I managed to avoid it. I could see the clouds rolling in. It looks like a [...] Death Eater.

I got to the town centre, and THAT'S where things started to get a little hairy.

There were a couple of unsavoury characters at the bus stop. The bus was 20 minutes away. It was raining again.

At this point I really wished I had someone... the girl I loved was 200 metres away. If we were still close, I would have stayed at her café until closing time, and then asked for a lift home.

Unfortunately, though, we're not close because she didn't want our friendship to be mutual... She was a taker. You need a giver..

My bus arrived. Two stops down, a couple got on and they were obviously under the influence of something. They walked on without paying.

The driver, amazingly, confronted them about it. I'm only semi-serious in saying this, but come on! Get your priorities straight.

I want to get home, but I'm stuck on the bus with two people that obviously aren't all there, because the driver is more concerned about the fact that they didn't tap on...

I was feeling very unsafe.

I eventually got home, and I'm feeling a lot better now. I thought about it, though... safety is really closely tied to mental health.

I was upset about not having anyone, because I needed the safety they could help provide.

So when I'm in my room and I'm obviously physically safe, but I'm going crazy over everything that's gone wrong in my life... is that because I'm feeling unsafe deep down?

If so, why?

3 replies

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In response to: Do YOU feel safe? (LONG).

Scream58Senior Contributor11 Apr 2022, 10:00 pm AEST

Re: Do YOU feel safe? (LONG).

@florencefifty

I totally understand everything you are saying. Comfort zones are a wonderful thing and once pushed outside of them it can take a long time to settle back in. Being physically safe doesn't automatically transfer to mentally safe.

I hope your night improves and you get some rest.

In response to: Re: Do YOU feel safe? (LONG).

TABSenior Contributor12 Apr 2022, 7:35 am AEST

Re: Do YOU feel safe? (LONG).

@florencefifty perhaps when focus is removed it leaves space for negative thinking. Last year or so I have often found myself lying in dark of early morning, somewhere between asleep and awake going over bad things from my past

In response to: Do YOU feel safe? (LONG).

DaisydreamerSenior Contributor12 Apr 2022, 3:15 pm AEST

Re: Do YOU feel safe? (LONG).

Hi @florencefifty,

It's great to see you back here again!

I think it's a really important point that you raise here; especially for those of us with trauma in our past, there might be times that we are feel unsafe in other contexts too. I'm hearing that you were mindful of your surroundings, when you were feeling unsafe in those situations, were there any cues that you felt in your body?

In my experience, I just get a 'gut feel' in some situations where something just doesn't seem safe. In many ways, our bodies and our brains are trying to protect us with the 'fight, flight, freeze'. It certainly doesn't feel nice in the moment though, or when your body might still be holding that fear even when the thing that caused it is no longer around. It's been a learning journey for me to hold some self compassion and thank my brain for keeping me safe (even though there are times I wish it wouldn't store fear in my body like it does)- it can be a blessing and a curse in my experience! Like you, those feelings can linger for longer than I anticipate.

How are you feeling today? Were you able to do anything overnight to help bring down those feelings of fear, and feel a sense of safety at home?

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