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Consumed by guilt

Scream58Senior Contributor09 Apr 2022, 10:07 am AEST

Consumed by guilt

Since my friend told me on Tuesday that the fact I forgot her birthday has put her in a depressive state I can't get past the feelings of guilt. I can't stand the thought of being the cause of someone's depression. My suicidal and self harm thoughts are with me all the time. I came close to acting on them yesterday. Luckily I fell asleep. I woke with my "tool" in my hand.

I can't tell her how I feel because then it becomes a blame game and I know I am to blame.

I got so focused on my own mental health I let relationships slip. I had withdrawn from everyone, family included. On Monday I started to come out of that state and spent time with both my son's and my grandkids.

Now I'm worse than ever. I don't want to do this anymore.

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In response to: Consumed by guilt

Scream58Senior Contributor11 Apr 2022, 3:48 pm AEST

Re: Consumed by guilt

@wellwellwellnez

My brain isn't processing what you wrote about authenticity. Would you be able to break it into simpler language for me please.

Sometimes I have trouble maintaining my train of thought.

In response to: Re: Consumed by guilt

wellwellwellnezSenior Contributor11 Apr 2022, 5:37 pm AEST

Re: Consumed by guilt

Yeah I tend to deconstruct a bit too much sometimes. It's kind of part of how I cope and struggle. It's different for all of us, really.

I guess a cleaner version of what I call the authenticity problem is, if we were 100% authentic, we could end up hurting someone (or at the very least run into other peoples boundaries). At the same time, 0% authentic isn't good for anyone, in the long run at least. The very least.

So the following question is, "What's the balance?"

Or maybe it's, "How can authenticity be best shared?"

It's a deep question, but a real important one. It's kind of where psychology meets sociology. Brenner's real good at spelling out the process in real life terms. A good example of a learned survivor. She'll always explain it better than me.

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