Ugly_TroutSenior Contributor
Not a great person to be around..
I'm distancing myself from family who are my only sources of social needs in my life. And that sucks. It's good they're in my life, but sometimes it would be nice to have a friend within earshot. I distance myself because I've come to realise I'm not a barrel of laughs to be around. So why put them through that. I've already put them through so much. And I'm not helping myself over the last year. I was not making connections with anyone in meetup groups or whatever so why bother? I have grown increasingly paranoid and anxious over this time and I'm worried that this is my life. I've never had a routine so learning that is tough. I've worked etc but out of work life it was kind of chaotic. Or isolated which is where I'm heading back to.
If anyone has found the secret to self love I'd like to know. I'm pretty much hating on myself at the moment. And have been for the last few months, maybe year/s. Becoming more agoraphobic because then people can't laugh at me or react like they've seen a freak. Basically avoid the spots I'm in at the shops. Or be less than welcoming like my dr. who I've stopped seeing for any feedback on my health.
Any help would be handy, even though I've posted before and just couldn't keep up a routine to check in on these forums. It always seems to be that I reach out in times of 'crisis', but not at times I'm able to push it all down.
cheers UT
