I think I've been misdiagnosed

@Okapi

Great post. What's your goal though? You're hoping that a diagnosis will lead to...... ?

Are you happy with who you are and will the diagnosis make you feel better about who you are?

Don't get me wrong, it's great to go and see professionals and get their help but it has to lead to an outcome. I am just wondering if you have a clearly defined outcome you are looking for?

@AussieRecharger thanks for asking - I think it's a really important and interesting (and challenging) question.

and I think that's partly why the bpd diagnosis doesn't feel right. I was hoping the assessment process would help me to understand my internal experiences, give me validation and a direction. but it's ended up making me feel confused, like I've gone backwards. It explains a small part of my behaviour (in a way that doesn't resonate with me) and offers me treatment options that don't suit me.

you ask if I'm happy with who I am. I would say up until recently, no. I wasn't. But looking into autism has given me hope that I might be able to be. And I wanted the assessment to contribute to that. It didn't. But I guess it potentially will be part of a story where that happens eventually. Hope so.

@Okapi What was it about looking into autism that gave you hope? And based on that hope, what was the likely output?

Autism is just a label given to a set of behaviours that lead to a repeatable pattern. You don't need to label to understand the behaviours you don't like and then start to make a plan to increase the behaviours that you do like about yourself. Don't fall into the trap of looking at your weaknesses, focus on your strengths.

What is something you like about yourself that everyone else also likes about you?

Well @AussieRecharger I kind of think you've got the nail on the head - the research I did on the autistic lived experience allowed me to look past my perceived weaknesses and find some acceptance and even strengths in my way of being. Behaviours that I spent my whole life being told we're bad or maladaptive or pathological, I felt I had permission to lean into for the first time.

I guess this helps me see that I was seeking permission from a perceived authority to continue in this way and to be allowed to share these discoveries with others (and seek support for the the things that are difficult for me). I mean there's other factors that lead me to seek assessment too but this is a big part of it. The differential feels like another pathology - another reason why I need treatment to fix my problematic way of relating and behaving - a return to the viscous cycle I thought I might be on the path to getting away from.

but of course I see now that the mere act of seeking diagnosis in this system is pathologising from the outset.

Plus many more other thoughts.

Hi @Okapi

welcome to the forum 🙂

just want to share my experience, most has been said already but maybe you’ll feel a little less lonely.

I’m weary with quick diagnosis and lack of time to ask all the questions that you would understandably have when receiving a diagnosis. I have multiple comorbid MH diagnoses and I’m on the autism spectrum. It took me a long time to see that some of the ‘traits’ of mental illness weren’t actually how others experience the world. I found that really hard to understand and it made me feel abnormal and separate from others (additionally I’m gender diverse which adds to those feelings as you might know). I haven’t mastered this yet, but here’s what I think:

BPD has a lot of stigma (like other illnesses) and it’s BS. I’ve met very lovely people diagnosed with BPD, some nasty ones, the same as I meet other lovely and nasty people who are not diagnosed with BPD.

You’ve got this. You’ve made it this far and you have the courage to reach out. You’ve survived every single day & night of your life. You’re here. You’ve got this.

The DSM, traits etc can never encapsulate anyone’s personal experience. For me it’s a guide book for professionals to help with treatment. The same as with a physical illness. For example I get medication to prevent heart disease and I’ve been learning about things I can manage in my life. They say I’m not my diagnosis and that’s right, I’m not know as the heart disease person, I’m not heart disease. I have current issues, comorbidity, risk factors, and family history.

I’m tired now. I don’t know if this makes much sense. It is really confusing and overwhelming and I hope you get a professional that can get to meet & understand you better, someone you can learn to trust a little, someone who takes the time to pick this apart with you.

Stay in touch x