Another day being attacked by the world.

thanks for your kind words @Appleblossom and @Historylover . It really does help, i find talking to be the best thing but forums are sometimes difficult because i don't handle criticism very well. Everytime i write something i tend to worry what people might reply with and i'm hesitant to reload the page thinking omg what have i said - is someone gonna be upset with me. So yeh the kind words are really appreciated.

I have a mental health case worker and a few people who help me. They are great, but the medicine situation is all over the place. The right medicine would really help, but anti-depressants don't really work for me, I've tried lots of anti-psychotics but most of them give me too many side effects to the point of i'm better off without them. I've found that the doctors are too reluctant to let me try other medicines, so i tend to find and try things myself.

With the dreams all night, the closed eye visuals, hearing voices, i sometimes feel like the pre cog in the movie minority report.

I'm all for calming the mind, but anti-psychotics don't do that for me, and the doctors won't give me other medicines. I can take benzo's which do help but they only last a few hours. And their a very subtle medication. I prefer the kind of medicines that numb the body and calm the body whilst leaving me clear headed.

The reality is that i'm just really disappointed. Seeing all these strange things each day and hearing voices. I'm fine at the moment, but i know when i wake up tomorrow it'll happen again and i'm sad and disappointed about that. It helps talking to someone, it helps typing a message out. I figure this is a good place for it. If i can post what i see, what the voices say, maybe getting the truth out helps. maybe theres a problem and i can solve it.

you almost sounds like you have a gift @Appleblossom , it's great if you can use it to your advantage. I like to think i'm smart - but then reality kicks in and i realise i'm mostly normal. But still, theres this idea i've been thinking about for awhile. It's like i had a really good education, i went to uni, i've spent 30 years furthering my knowledge using computers and having access to information on so many different subjects. poetry, gardening, movies and docos, to drugs and maths and science to christ. i'm just a normal person, but i must be one of the smartest people to have ever lived. And maybe i can use all this information in a meaningful way. I'm sure that other people here are in that category as well, and we just dont realise it because we take our education and access to information for granted. But the fact that there are so many people out there who help others and volunteer and are generally just better people than me kind of keeps me grounded and knowing my place in society.

thanks @Appleblossom and @Historylover , appreciated. feeling ok at the moment, but tomorrow morning will probably be a different story.

@MattsOpinion I have really broad interests but they are similar to yours. I can flip into sciencey or arty mode and always been interested in the spiritual side. Somehow I never had a santa claus idea of religion, that God or Jesus would solve all the world problems. I did see genuiine religious people doing good charity and there was a lot about their manner of being that I liked, but it was obvious from pretty early on to me, that the NEED of people on earth, was serious and there no magic wands. In a way we are lucky to live in this time where we have access to all the knowledge and can feed our drive for knowledge and understanding and sometimes even make a small positive difference.

Hey @Historylover

Matt

I may have a problem with not realising when things are really serious cos I am used to being around a lot of people with a lot of things going on. So I do tend to normalise things. Gradually I am learning to protect my inner self and not be too open to everything, but keep a steady path.

You sound so much better now @MattsOpinion. As you wrote this latest post, what changed from your previous posts? Did you take medication, force yourself to relax? What made the difference?

How long have you been having visual and auditory hallucinations? Are they triggered? I can't imagine why no-one has helped you to get this situation under control.

Take care today @MattsOpinion.

A big day for you today @Appleblossom. Many happy returns of the day. I hope it is a good one for you. Take care. 🎂🎁🎉🌺😊

I was just less upset about everything so i sounded better. I can and do talk normally, act normally, i am actually calm and rational. but I hear thoughts that are not mine, continually saying things and it upsets me. And i was upset when i wrote that.

But i'm also really smart. I see and understand things other people don't. Not that it makes me a better person. In a way i'm trying to get it out and tell people what the problem is and why its happening, but i'm also after help and a conversation.

For example this afternoon i've been hearing the voices say 'kris did it, he met her'. what does it mean. well i went outside and there was a civil celebrant who drove past named tina. there was a problem with this person (i won't go into it). good people go get married in a church, only people who don't believe in god want a civil celebrant. so kris who doesn't believe in god, gets into tina and you get kristina. and of course wong (who is wrong) is gay as well. thats why they form their mean girls club. i don't like politics and i dont want to be involved but we are all connected and i can see the cogs in the machine turning. I can see how people are attempting to form sides, gather people onto their side in order to get power so they can push their own agendas. Anyway thats just one example of what goes on. I don't like politics and i don't want to be involved in any of it. But we live in the world and its the way the world works. I'd prefer to just sit at home and read the bible, but god put me in this world and if people want to use and abuse me to further their agenda theres not much i can do about that but tell the truth and hope that other people have the good sense to do the right thing.

I have docs who try to help me. i take medicine, but theres no great way of stopping the problems - or the doctors just won't go there. it happened because i was given a certain medicine, it stopped me from sleeping, and made me start having dreams. then the voices started. I've developed ways of coping with it but i can't stop it entirely. I'm cursed. Like Mr Potter. But i'm trying to make the best of it.