The first day of not being on meds

I'm 28. I've seen people enter the corporate career ladder (appropriate to call it a ladder) in their early 20s and enter the housing market. I've also seen people in their 30s confused and bewildered by the storms of life. I've had my fair share of suffering, mental health issues, a few trips to hospital. I've never had a relationship and have only ever lived at home. 4 years ago I was bored and depressed after having finally finished a university course (which I nearly quit half way through). I then wanted to travel and live and work overseas but the plan fell through at about the 2nd hurdle - the first hurdle being the organisation involved in it all. It was too much. I resolved to just stay in my home country and find a job here. So I did that. But then pretty soon the job I did was way beneath my ability level. I could do it with my eyes shut. I think part of me died when I was there, but a friend I made there agrees with me. We went through a shit storm in that place. Then lockdown kicks in. 2 years of "covid" - a term I hadn't been familiar with but I am well familiar with now. The incandescent love for safety has made me repulsed. These days I go down to the beach and swim in the cold water and exhert my phsyical body. I am coming off medications for depression and anxiety (which served a purpose but now no longer do). I quit a full time job that was too easy (was watching netflix while "working" ffs). There is arguably more uncertainty in my life than there ever was before, but I honestly welcome it so perhaps I am used to uncomfortable. Because comfort is boring to me. My gym routine has improved and I am stronger and I feel stronger. I saw the sunrise for the first time in a long time a few days ago and was hit by something. Now looking back it, it brings a tear to my eye. To think I would've ended it before seeing that giant ball of gas and heat that powers our small neighbourhood of the Milky Way, rise and shine across the water, disappear behind the clouds for a small moment then reappear....
Life will go on. But whats more, is that life is not something to be grasped or commanded. It is something you must immerse yourself in. Like water.

hi @Paperdaisy
I'm okay ish

thanks

I hear you @MDT I was the same and can relate to those feelings of boredom and frustration a lot. It's taken time to learn to be more present and I'm still struggling with that at times. I acknowledge the huge impact covid has had on you and all of us. We are forced to be still and put our plans on hold and when you're an anxious and restless person like I am, that's really hard.

Sounds like you are doing good things to take care of yourself. The water is so healing.

Take good care of you 💝