No energy left to fight.

I feel beaten at the moment.

My life constantly moves from one struggle to the next and I feel like I have no fight left in me.

I was sexually abused as a child and from then on almost all relationships include some form of abuse. From physically & emotionally abusive partners to workplace bullies. I seem to have a knack of getting a raw deal.

Today it's Centrelinks turn again. I'm unemployed and receiving Jobseeker payments. I had a stroke 3 months ago and while the stroke itself was minor it has left me with chronic fatigue. My Dr gave me a Medical Certificate for three months in December and last week gave me another. I submitted that to Centrelink and today got a letter to say from 18th March I'm expected to resume my Jobsearch. I don't know how they expect me to work when 5-10 minutes of activity leaves me exhausted.

I have cried all day today, not unusual because since the stroke I've struggled with my emotions. There's hardly a day when I don't cry.

My bills are piling up because my medical costs can be up to $300 a fortnight and I'm not eligible for any assistance. I live in a regional town so have to travel to appointments. This can be up to a three hour round trip.

I think about suicide every day and have made attempts in the past. I feel myself sinking and am powerless to stop. I'm not sure I even want to stop.