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Abused and can't move on.

Stuck333Contributor14 Mar 2022, 5:42 pm AEDT

Abused and can't move on.

Hi everyone.

This is my first ever post on any forum.

I was in a emotional and verbal relationship for 8 years.

We've been separated for over 2 years now and I still can't move on. I know how she treated me was abusive yet I still think of her and miss her on a daily basis.

My mind can't comprehend after how I was abused I still have feelings for her. I feel I should hate her and trust me I've tried.

The abuse was constant and it's ruined my self esteem and I feel unworthy of a loving relationship. I've gained weight, I no longer feel good about my appearance, I've withdrawn from ppl and have pretty much isolated myself.

She was extremely controlling and I was terrified of doing something wrong or if it wasn't that it was something I didn't do as I knew that's when the verbal abuse would begin but no matter what, there was always something I had or had not done so the abuse was constant.

How can I still love this person???

Just an example of how controlling she was, one night we had a few drinks ( I'm sure at least one of these was spiked ) but I can't prove that.

I went to bed extremely drowsy and through the middle of the night I woke up to her trying to use my fingerprint to unlock and go through my phone. I was aware what was happening so I grumbled a bit and moved around, she thought I was waking up and stopped. I was too scared to actually let her know that I was awake as I knew I would cop it and some how it would be my fault.

I had absolutely nothing to hide on my phone and would have been more than happy to just hand it over but everything she did was devious.

I just want to move on and be happy but I seem to be in some kind of depression and can't seem to let go of her. I just truly don't understand why I can't.

I want my life and smile back.

28 replies

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In response to: Abused and can't move on.

Stuck333Contributor14 Mar 2022, 8:49 pm AEDT

Re: Abused and can't move on.

Thank you. You too
Enjoy your snuggles 💗

In response to: Abused and can't move on.

Stuck333Contributor14 Mar 2022, 8:54 pm AEDT

Re: Abused and can't move on.

Hi 😊
Thanks for the welcome.
I'm just having a relax. I'll have a chat to you tomorrow and respond properly to your reply.
❤️

In response to: Abused and can't move on.

Stuck333Contributor15 Mar 2022, 12:25 pm AEDT

Re: Abused and can't move on.

Thank you @Eve7 ❤️

In response to: Re: Abused and can't move on.

Zoe7Senior Contributor15 Mar 2022, 4:44 pm AEDT

Re: Abused and can't move on.

Hey @Stuck333 Wondering how you are travelling today and if you could relax in front of the tv last night?

In response to: Re: Abused and can't move on.

Stuck333Contributor15 Mar 2022, 4:57 pm AEDT

Re: Abused and can't move on.

Hi @Zoe7

Thanks for checking in ❤️

Just another day like the others.

Yeah I can relax but my mind still has intrusive thoughts.

In response to: Re: Abused and can't move on.

Zoe7Senior Contributor15 Mar 2022, 6:47 pm AEDT

Re: Abused and can't move on.

There is often a fine line between finding things that relax us and falling into that zone where those thoughts have space to build @Stuck333 I used to try to distract myself a lot but that too often only helps in the short term. Are there things you like to do (or once liked to do) that you can build into your day - it doesn't have to be big 'build a new world' type things, the little things can often have as much impact ...hugging a fur baby (my personal favourite 🐶😺), gardening, sport, etc. What are your interests/things that you like?

In response to: Re: Abused and can't move on.

Stuck333Contributor15 Mar 2022, 7:05 pm AEDT

Re: Abused and can't move on.

@Zoe7

I'm a singer.

I do some recording at home as I don't have to interact with anyone I can just go into my little studio and record. This can also be challenging to get motivated.

In response to: Re: Abused and can't move on.

cloudcoreSenior Contributor15 Mar 2022, 7:19 pm AEDT

Re: Abused and can't move on.

Hi @Stuck333 ,

I wanted to jump in here to acknowledge the courage you have in your willingness to share your recordings in spite of your struggles with self esteem, lack of sleep and depression. It sounds like you have come a long way in your journey, and I hope you continue to bring art into this world 💛

I just wanted to draw your attention to our community guidelines around anonymity. It's important that you do not share your personal information (email, name etc) or anything that could reveal your personal information (like a personal recording) on the SANE forums. This is because we are a public forum and we want to protect your privacy. If you have any questions about this, please email us at team@saneforums.org.

Thanks!

cloudcore ⛅

In response to: Re: Abused and can't move on.

Zoe7Senior Contributor15 Mar 2022, 7:37 pm AEDT

Re: Abused and can't move on.

I would love to hear some of your work @Stuck333 but as @cloudcore has mentioned we need to remain anonymous and stay within our Community Guidelines. I used to listen to Jazz with my grandmother - she had a very far reaching taste but country and jazz were often heard at their home. She also loved Elvis (who didn't at that time lol) and we would watch his movies together ...they were absolutely terrible but it was Elvis!!!!

In response to: Re: Abused and can't move on.

Stuck333Contributor15 Mar 2022, 7:51 pm AEDT

Re: Abused and can't move on.

@Zoe7

Omg I'm a huge huge Elvis fan !!!

❤️

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