Hi @Former-Member@Fancy_Pants@Former-Member@Learninggrowing@utopia@Redraw
I am safe atm. I can't stop being angry at my therapist and now my psych.
It is going over and over in my head what he said. I don't 'use my mum' when i was young. It was the other way round, where my mum would always call me and expect me to drop everything and run to her. and i would do it, all the time. I would put my husband and children second for her. How damn stupid was I?
Reg. my psych and what he said - it was because of my BPD behaviour that i was emailing my therapist for advice, help etc. But in my head it was only an email for help. i did not see it as manipulative or using him. That was never ever my intention. Now i am hurt, i feel hurt by what he said.
I need a break from everyone, i need to stop my head from telling me stuff to do and think. Do you know i was not coping wednesday night, so i called my psych's office left a message for him to call me. no call. i called back in the afternoon and asked if he got my msg, to be told yes he did but is busy. i even called the CAT team in the morning when i was so emotional and do you think they returned my call? - NO.
i feel so hated by a lot of people. they all must think i am a bitch, a manipujlative person with BPD who wants attention all the time.
Well maybe that is me; maybe i am a real cow. maybe i want the attetnion.
now i am crying because - that is what i want. i want to be held, i want love, i want to be nurtyured, cared for and i want help.
but right now i feel nothing, none,zero.
so if no one cares or returns my calls what is the point.
