TW: it feels like I'm drowning

Every cat has their own little personality and crazy things they do. My old cat was just precious. She never caused any hassles, never scratched anything nor jumped where she shouldn't. She also had her own room. The old veranda is closed in and I made that her room. I had a baby gate across the door so Toby could not get in - so that was just her place. I have closed that door now and nobody is allowed in - just can't bring myself to do anything with all her things.

Clover is very different - she is fearless and loves chasing bugs and lizards. I often turn the outside light on at night to watch her chase the bugs lol She also loves Toby - quite often she will come running from nowhere to pounce on him then run again waiting for him to chase her ...and he usually does. They are sooo adorable together. Toby does get a little jealous sometimes when I am having Clover cuddles but mostly he just accepts it is her turn. He does snuggle next to me though to let me know he is there and it is his turn next lol

I think you are very wise in what you can and cannot achieve - and doing everything right to find that balance between everything. It s not easy studying and working (even if it is volunteer work). especially with chronic pain and a MI - so give yourself the credit you deserve. You are doing a lot and you should be proud of what you are achieving @creative_writer 👍😁

I never really considered myself a dog person @creative_writer until I met Toby. I was at a pet shop to get a new fish tank and there he was. There were two of them but Toby ran straight to me and jumped into my lap. He was so small he could fit in my hands - and he has not left my side since. ...I did not get the fish tank lol All the way home I was shaking my head and saying what have I done - it certainly was not planned and I had nothing set up for a dog ...but he took my heart. I had him with me constantly for 3 weeks - took him to work, into shops (even those that didn't like it!!). I did not sleep for weeks - checking on him constantly to make sure he was breathing and okay ...it was just like having a newborn LOL I also said he would not be allowed on the bed but that only lasted a few weeks ...he still sleeps on the pillow next to me 😛 So now I say I am a cat person who also loves dogs 🐶😺💗

This is my precious fluffball...

I don't spend any time in bed that I don't have to @creative_writer It can be a pretty triggering place for me and so I try not to let those thoughts in. I do spend a lot of time asleep on the couch - if I wake up during the night that is where I end up and can easily fall asleep on the couch and just stay there. It also helps me when I have nightmares and/or anxiety about going to bed - so I have set up the couch for just such times ...and that is working for me. I used to have a tv in the bedroom as well but no longer have that ...the bedroom is for sleep (when I can) and occasional fur baby snuggles but nothing else. It has helped me feel safer and more secure in my own space.

How has your day been otherwise?

I don't think there is anything wrong with you for feeling the way you do @creative_writer We are all different and cope with things in our own ways and in our own time. One foot in front of the other 💝 Here with you.

Afternoon @creative_writer,

I don't think we've chatted before (apologies if we have), I'm an online peer support worker at SANE. I pop in to posts here and there, and I've been making a few new forum friends along the way, so I'm pleased to have made your online acquaintance 😊

There was something about your post that struck a chord with me this morning, I think it's because I can really relate to what you've expressed here – that feeling of the world moving on and also making the comparison to others who've experienced trauma, yet seem better able to get on with life. Until quite recently, I felt just as you've expressed.

The complexity and experience of trauma, as you know, can be so varied that one can't possibly compare to another. Things take time, and sometimes that can be an incredibly frustrating and upsetting process. It sounds like that might ring true for you?

I'm really pleased to hear a few things in your posts, namely that despite having a bad experience with a therapist (or two?) that you care enough for your wellbeing to persist in finding that support you need. That is huge, you have your own back, there is clear strength in that. But also, you're able to reach out and offer support and share your experience with others, I think that demonstrates compassion and empathy (super hero strengths in my humble opinion).

There is nothing wrong with you for feeling the way you do. Your emotions are valid, they are very likely to make sense in the context of your experience, and despite them probably feeling quite uncomfortable at times, emotions like these are often there to guide you to the place you deserve to be, one of inner peace and pride within yourself.

Thank you for posting here today with honesty and openness, I'm sure that your being able to share your feelings will help others identify with their own.

Here to chat if you need.

Rhye ☘️