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Something’s not right

TW: it feels like I'm drowning

creative_writerSenior Contributor06 Mar 2022, 3:27 pm AEDT

TW: it feels like I'm drowning

Hi everyone

I'm new here so I'm not sure what to say. I've just been struggling lately and coming out of a bad migraine attack. While I was really sick I found myself ruminating over past events, I suppose I had too much time to think. I know I can not change what has happened, but I still hold onto it. Migraine doesn't feel as bad anymore, but I'm left with all these overwhelming feelings of sadness and feeling of loss, anger and bitterness and I'm feeling very lonely. I find it hard to reach out to people, I feel like it's hard for people to comprehend what I'm going through. The pain of being misunderstood is too much, so I can really talk to very few people. I am also afraid that people won't want to talk about it, like I've tried talking about it with my parents a long time ago in a hush-hush way but they still felt uncomfortable. I am also afraid to burden people, I don't want to be that friend who is always stuck in their chaotic mind. I mean I live alone, have to fight things alone and I'll die alone. Sometimes it feels pointless, sometimes I wonder should I just let myself drown, I am just one person, what difference could I make, surely. I'm not intensely suicidal right now, but I am at the point I've considered it but don't intend to act on it.

Maybe it's all an overreaction, I don't know. But I know if I stay here too long I'll drown and get water into my lungs.

245 replies

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In response to: TW: it feels like I'm drowning

creative_writerSenior Contributor15 June 2022, 9:20 am AEST

Re: TW: it feels like I'm drowning

@Former-Member I was sitting with a lot, I still am. I wish it could stop hurting so much.

@Zoe7 ❤️

I wish I knew how to heal this on my own. I don’t want to rely on people because I grew up alone and it’s what I am comfortable with. I only really talk to people in my inner circle and family and don’t wish to make more friends. It’s hard to feel safe around people, it’s too overwhelming. I am constantly surrounded by family but feel incredibly lonely. I talk to the very few friends I have over social media. Im seeing my psychologist monthly, I don’t know why it isn’t enough.

In response to: Re: TW: it feels like I'm drowning

Zoe7Senior Contributor17 June 2022, 6:57 pm AEST

Re: TW: it feels like I'm drowning

I completely understand that feeling of being surrounded by people yet feeling alone @creative_writer I have difficulty in crowds or large gatherings - I do not like the feeling of being 'closed in' or making small talk with people I do not know. I can hold my own, and to all seem on top of it, social and articulate, but inside I am filled with anxiety and just want out. I do not have the same feelings with my class - it is the exact opposite but maybe part of that is that there are a bunch of kids that are not going to ask anything more from me than to be cared for. They do not care what is going on in my life, how I struggle every day to keep on top of things nor how much I have been through to get to this point - all they know is I am there for them, want every day to be a happy one and that the classroom is a safe environment for them all. Kids are so innocent in their views and accepting in their beliefs - how things change the more they are exposed to in life and the more they have to overcome. ...but each day with them is a joy and that is all I need.

In response to: Re: TW: it feels like I'm drowning

creative_writerSenior Contributor19 June 2022, 6:37 pm AEST

Re: TW: it feels like I'm drowning

@Zoe7 I also prefer talking about more meaningful things. I don't know it's a form of social anxiety, I just don't feel comfortable or safe around people. Kids do tend to be different than adults so it makes sense to feel more comfortable around them.

In response to: Re: TW: it feels like I'm drowning

Zoe7Senior Contributor21 June 2022, 8:06 pm AEST

Re: TW: it feels like I'm drowning

I can get up in front of a school of kids or a room full of people to talk about things that matter @creative_writer but get so bored with small talk. I don't see the sense in most of it "just for the sake of talking". I would rather be the quiet one in the background however most people would not believe that of me going by the public speaking I can do ...but that is definitely always on something I am passionate about. Generally I say very little but there are exceptions - the main one is when someone is out of line or being inappropriate ...I won't let that stand from anyone - it doesn't matter who they are. Off my soap box now lol How are you doing?

In response to: Re: TW: it feels like I'm drowning

creative_writerSenior Contributor22 June 2022, 9:53 pm AEST

Re: TW: it feels like I'm drowning

@Zoe7 I agree it’s different to talk about things that actually matter. Small talk gets exhausting, tedious and boring. I think it’s amazing that you can speak about passionate topics. Public speaking makes me very uncomfortable. I think covid has made things more challenging, it’s been easier to retreat when we had lockdowns, that interacting with the outside world feels so foreign, I’ve fallen in this safety zone.

I am doing better emotionally, but things do take their time to resolve, something I’ll need to work on. Though I’ve come down with something, I have a very crappy immune system, and seem to be getting sick too often.

In response to: Re: TW: it feels like I'm drowning

Zoe7Senior Contributor24 June 2022, 11:34 pm AEST

Re: TW: it feels like I'm drowning

@creative_writer 💗💗💗

In response to: Re: TW: it feels like I'm drowning

creative_writerSenior Contributor26 June 2022, 6:39 pm AEST

Re: TW: it feels like I'm drowning

@Zoe7 I hope you are doing well ❤️❤️❤️. This weekend has been rough from a sleep perspective. I get migraines if I don’t sleep well. Just hoping to sleep well tonight.

In response to: Re: TW: it feels like I'm drowning

Zoe7Senior Contributor26 June 2022, 9:08 pm AEST

Re: TW: it feels like I'm drowning

I hope you sleep well tonight too @creative_writer I also have a migraine tonight so heading to bed to try to sleep again.

In response to: Re: TW: it feels like I'm drowning

creative_writerSenior Contributor28 June 2022, 6:52 pm AEST

Re: TW: it feels like I'm drowning

@Zoe7 feeling better today. Might take me a while to re-gain my strength. I hope you are doing better ❤️❤️❤️.

In response to: Re: TW: it feels like I'm drowning

Zoe7Senior Contributor02 July 2022, 7:38 am AEST

Re: TW: it feels like I'm drowning

Really looking forward to the holidays @creative_writer - been a very long and tough term.

Hope you are still doing a little better 💗

231 - 240 of 245

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SANE acknowledges the Traditional Owners of Country throughout Australia and recognises the continuing connection to lands, waters and communities. We pay our respect to Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander cultures; and to Elders past and present.

SANE values diversity. We are committed to providing a safe, culturally appropriate, and inclusive service for all people, regardless of their ethnicity, faith, disability, sexuality, or gender identity.