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TW: it feels like I'm drowning

creative_writerSenior Contributor06 Mar 2022, 3:27 pm AEDT

TW: it feels like I'm drowning

Hi everyone

I'm new here so I'm not sure what to say. I've just been struggling lately and coming out of a bad migraine attack. While I was really sick I found myself ruminating over past events, I suppose I had too much time to think. I know I can not change what has happened, but I still hold onto it. Migraine doesn't feel as bad anymore, but I'm left with all these overwhelming feelings of sadness and feeling of loss, anger and bitterness and I'm feeling very lonely. I find it hard to reach out to people, I feel like it's hard for people to comprehend what I'm going through. The pain of being misunderstood is too much, so I can really talk to very few people. I am also afraid that people won't want to talk about it, like I've tried talking about it with my parents a long time ago in a hush-hush way but they still felt uncomfortable. I am also afraid to burden people, I don't want to be that friend who is always stuck in their chaotic mind. I mean I live alone, have to fight things alone and I'll die alone. Sometimes it feels pointless, sometimes I wonder should I just let myself drown, I am just one person, what difference could I make, surely. I'm not intensely suicidal right now, but I am at the point I've considered it but don't intend to act on it.

Maybe it's all an overreaction, I don't know. But I know if I stay here too long I'll drown and get water into my lungs.

245 replies

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In response to: TW: it feels like I'm drowning

creative_writerSenior Contributor09 June 2022, 8:57 pm AEST

Re: TW: it feels like I'm drowning

@Zoe7 I get what you mean. Sometimes we push ourselves too quickly and it backfires. We want to be there for people, we want to support people, and sometimes we just don’t put our well-being first. Your well-being has to come first if you are going to support others. But yes, it is something you learn to recognise over time. I am learning that it’s okay to take time off for myself, that I shouldn’t feel guilty about it. We are only human. The reality is, do any of us have our life completely together? Maybe it’s the unattainability of the goal that can sabotage one’s wellbeing.

In response to: Re: TW: it feels like I'm drowning

Zoe7Senior Contributor09 June 2022, 9:23 pm AEST

Re: TW: it feels like I'm drowning

@creative_writer I am pretty good these days of knowing when I need time and when I need a break from things. It was such a hard decision as I wanted to be here for my friends but I had just had enough. I spoke to my supports and they just confirmed what I thought and felt. I have been here for a long time and seen (read) a lot. The cumulative effect over time does wear on you so a break was absolutely necessary.

As for having it all together - that is certainly a work in progress. Part of that progress is learning and growing along the way as well as being able to find the joy in the little things. We can be overcome with things we cannot change but the biggest growth can be in also recognising that there are things we just cannot change and finding ways to move forward from them. Dwelling on the what ifs and whys can lead to a greater sense of failure because of things we have no possibility to change - therefore the only way forward is to leave those things we cannot change behind us and find newer (and better) ways to live. I am by no means there yet but the greatest step forward I have made is to accept those things I cannot change are in the past and live more in the here and now ...and most days it is still one day at a time but for the most part I can live in that day and accept all the good things that come my way. That of course does not mean I do not have 'bad' days or things that are difficult to deal with, but they come and go ....tomorrow is always another day.

In response to: Re: TW: it feels like I'm drowning

creative_writerSenior Contributor10 June 2022, 7:28 pm AEST

Re: TW: it feels like I'm drowning

@Zoe7 I am glade things have been getting better for you. I think self awareness develops with time, wisdom comes from experience. I am still fairly young and the amount of knowledge I have is still tinny.

Even people who don’t have MI struggle with their mental well-being at times and have bad days. Emotions are part of being human. I just realised my goal of having my life completely together was very unrealistic. You can’t always be happy, life isn’t always smooth. It’s just the nature of life. You can’t have happiness without sadness nor sadness without happiness.

In response to: TW: it feels like I'm drowning

Marilyn52Casual Contributor11 June 2022, 7:50 pm AEST

Re: TW: it feels like I'm drowning

Count backwards from five ! Five things you can see? Say them.
Five things you can hear? Say them
Five things touch? Touch and say them.
Five things you can taste? Say them taste them.five thins you can feel say them! Don't forget to breathe

In response to: Re: TW: it feels like I'm drowning

Zoe7Senior Contributor12 June 2022, 12:31 am AEST

Re: TW: it feels like I'm drowning

Yes everyone has good and not so good days @creative_writer and we can only fully appreciate one in knowing the other.

In response to: Re: TW: it feels like I'm drowning

creative_writerSenior Contributor12 June 2022, 3:33 pm AEST

Re: TW: it feels like I'm drowning

@Marilyn52 grounding can help, it may not solve your problems but it certainly keeps your head above water.

@Zoe7 that is very true, you no longer take achievements and joy in life for granted.

Had a rough day yesterday. Feeling a bit better, just very tired, sleep was disturbed, not entirely sure why either. Just resting up and trying to go easy on myself, messed up real bad yesterday.

In response to: Re: TW: it feels like I'm drowning

Zoe7Senior Contributor13 June 2022, 3:40 am AEST

Re: TW: it feels like I'm drowning

I hope you could rest and recover a little yesterday @creative_writer I have been up most of the night and not going to try to sleep as I know it won't end well after some disturbing news items on last night. I don't have to go to work today so I can keep going distracting myself until I am more settled.

In response to: Re: TW: it feels like I'm drowning

creative_writerSenior Contributor13 June 2022, 12:21 pm AEST

Re: TW: it feels like I'm drowning

@Zoe7 still in the spiral, but I am still here holding on. It has taken a lot of energy and convincing of myself to have gotten this far. I hope things ease for you soon ❤️🤗❤️🤗. Sending you lots of love.

In response to: Re: TW: it feels like I'm drowning

creative_writerSenior Contributor13 June 2022, 3:41 pm AEST

Re: TW: it feels like I'm drowning

Breathe in and out. Do not cry…..creative_writer

In response to: Re: TW: it feels like I'm drowning

Zoe7Senior Contributor13 June 2022, 5:48 pm AEST

Re: TW: it feels like I'm drowning

Hey @creative_writer I say cry if you need to Hon. It can be a great outlet for all that pressure and stress. How are you feeling now? Has the day improved?

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