Holding the ends together

@Smc Just been reading the ongoing for you and I am sorry you have had to experience these times. How are you holding up?

Hi @AussieRecharger
@Determined @Faith-and-Hope @Shaz51

Dad's gone. Quietly, two Sundays ago. Mum was home from the hospital the week before, but hadn't been in to see him. That might be for the best, because he was sleeping most of the time, largely unresponsive when he wasn't, and losing weight due to being unable to swallow. Best that she remembers him awake, alert and happy, and telling us that Mum was "a very good cook".

We came back two days ago after a week and a half up their end organising everything, and catching up with family and friends in between. Some of whom insisted on feeding us and otherwise looking out for us. 😊

I don't have much internet access at their end. Mostly using phone data, and it's so much harder typing things up without a keyboard, so I go a little bit cyber-quiet at such times. Not cyber-silent, but yeah. So hi, I'm back...

Both the minister from their church and the funeral directors were very helpful. It seems people go out of their way to make things straightforward when someone's died. Now if we can just get the mental health and carer support system to do likewise? It really struck me how different it was. Everything was clearly laid out ready to go, including the funeral parlour saying they'd pass all the necessary info on to Centrelink so we didn't have to sit on the phone on hold for ages. But something goes wrong with mental health, and we're left flailing on our own. 😥

We had to deal with a bank being a bit unreasonable about releasing money for the funeral, but got that sorted, and know for next time that they were asking for more than they legally needed... Just after someone has died is not the time to make their family jump through hoops that can wait for later. And we had problems on the day with the pre-booked wheelchair taxi for Mum, which delayed the start of the funeral. The funeral director stepped in on the spot and got that sorted, which was soooo appreciated. We don't know whether the problem was with the taxi driver, or whether Mum wasn't ready to go at the home. But once Mum was there, everything otherwise went well. It was a happy funeral, mixed in with "gonna miss you" tears. Lovely Celtic fiddle music for incidental background, and two hymns that I played along with on my viola. Didn't think I'd be able to sing without breaking up, and it was one last "thank you" to Dad for all the years of music lessons etc. he supported me through. So glad that I'd also been taking it into the aged care home to play for him while he was alive- he enjoyed that so much!

My sister and I put together the flowers for the coffin. Big cascades of gum leaves, along with flowers and "memory" plants that had special associations. And we scattered some eucalypt and other native tree leaf litter on the coffin in memory of the many times Dad took us out bush on outings and camping trips. Figured since he loved the bush so much, we could bring a little of it to him.

Mum still isn't well. We're expecting to repeat the process sometime within the next year. Maybe longer, but that doesn't seem likely.

So we're now trying to give ourselves rest-time. Sleeping better now that it's over, and we're back in our own familiar beds, but conscious that it'll take more than a day or two to recover, and that we'll get randomly surprised by tears when we're not expecting it. x

Hi @Smc

Sorry to hear about your Dad's passing. My heart goes out to you.

Take care and thank you for sharing your update.

Lots of hugs to you

Hanami

Hi @Smc,

I just wanted to offer my condolences. I'm am sorry to read about your dad's passing - I understand somewhat how you feel and how hard the funeral would have been. My dad passed in 2021 - it's not easy, I know.

Thinking of you at this hard time.

Warm wishes,

FloatingFeather

@Smc

Sending you lots of tender hugs my friend ❤️ ♥️

 🤍🤍🤍 @Smc …..

@Smc

Thoughts and prayers are with you and family 😥🥺🙏

Thinking of you @Smc as you navigate coming days and weeks 💔

Thank you for Sharing that @Smc . It was beautiful to read. Big virtual hugs for the next set of challenges that await you.

@AussieRecharger @Determined @Faith-and-Hope @Shaz51 @FloatingFeather ....

Thanks to all for your support. x

Still in recovery mode here. Still not sleeping well, with an overbusy mind while awake and weird dreams when asleep. Keeping meals simple, but at least healthy-ish. My rule of thumb is "if in doubt, add veggies". But that doesn't rule out mental health "treats" like icecream, as long as they're in moderation. 😊

I found out how thinly strung I am the other day, when I did a debit card payment for the balance of Dad's funeral costs. I usually prefer to pay cash, or do a direct payment at the bank counter. Not an option for this, and doing it online had me so edgy. It's a bigger amount than I'd usually need to pay in one go, and although I know the probability of anything going wrong is small, not being able to completely rule it out had me at my limits. So I did the most sensible thing I could think of and rang the funeral home's number to double check the email address details I was sending it to, and they offered to ring me back to confirm when the payment went through at their end. Just got that call, so yay.

I'm waiting until the official death certificate comes through before considering traveling up there again. Plus our classic car will travel better in cooler weather than we've currently got... and I don't think I'd cope well with the extra stress right now anyway. I'm hoping that a few old friends may be visiting Mum at the aged care home. She got to reconnect with a few via the funeral that hadn't been in touch for a while, and I know at least one of them got in to visit her a few days later.