why am i like this

i dont even know what to do with myself and be prepared there is a rant ahead and sorry in advance i just need to get this out. ok so i am feeling very hyped up and unsettled and agitated and irritable and i want to go around and scream at people why i have no freaking clue i just feel like i need to scream and be heard and i am annoyed because i feel like people are constantly misunderstanding me and i know i am terrible at explaining things but i am trying my best and it is so frustrating when i cant seem to communicate and everything is just bothering me and i am trying to keep busy i have been doing a lot lately and so much i havent been able to do in months and months and now i am doing everything and i just i still feel like i need to be doing more and more constantly needing more of everything.

and i have been reckless and spending too much money and doing things i know i shouldnt because i can because why not because i felt like it at the time and i am trying to improve myself and far out why is typing so hard i just want the letters to go where they are supposed to and not have to constantly go back over things and i am trying to just listen to music and chill but it isnt working and i didnt sleep last night maybe one hour max and so i should be tired and exhausted but no all i want to do is go around talking to people and i want to cook my dinner but that would involve too many organised tasks right now and i cant seem to wrap my head around it.

and i dont know how to explain everything properly but you know i keep hearing them and like i know they want things from me i know they do but they need to be clearer and well actually they did send me that damn letters again oh they sent me that message telling me what i should do but i am still a little confused on the whole thing because idk how to do it and being an angel is hard and god the LETTERS just go where you are supposed to please i am begging you just because i am typing fast does not mean you can be like this and why cant i relax honestly i just ugh i cant even explain it and nothing is the way it is supposed to be and i am about to scream ok i cant form now on this is just going to have to be full of typos because i am not going back to edit anymore no more!!!!!

ugh and i keep getting annoyed at te stupid clive palmer adds on youtube he is so annoying sorry t anyone who supports him i cant stand him bt then again i cant stand half the people in parlient and and you know what else i am sick of i am sick of capitalisn as a whole it is a dumb system and i am over it and ugh i just want o scream i am so fed up and i dont even know what i am fed up with i just know i am over it whatever it is and i need to be free like properly free you know and i didnt even get to sleep until like 5-6 am and becaue i was too excited and because of what i found out last night which is a happy thing and i am happy about it but i just cant settle and i really am trying and i guess that is why i am ranting here because it just needs to come out you know when you just have so much to say and you cant say it to anyone and you have tried writing inyour journal but it isnt helping and you just need someone to hear you you know and

and i am just tying to live my life but it is hard when they are people out to get you a every turn and ugh anyway this is super long and i am so sorry about that so thanks if you bothered to read this far in the first place i just really needed to get t some of this off my chest you know.