Relationship so hard don't no what to do anymoe

Hi @JB4 .....

I skim-read this reply from you a couple of sprays ago, but haven't been able to give it my full attention before now ..... even at the time, it was so close to my own feelings in my own situation, it is almost as if I wrote it to you ...

There is a big difference in that my hubby didn't suffer the alcoholic abuse, but he did suffer a different type of emotional abandonment by one parent, and "emotional incest" you would probably call it, ny the other. There is also European war damage in the family background, and cultural inheritance of "stiff upper lip" which gives little credence to acknowledging and processing emotions, particularly in the menfolk .....

It is clear in hindsight, and with the benefit of researching the conditions that underlie eating disorders, that my hubby has been ill for a very long time, but this illness tends to channel itself into societal patterns that have, until now, concealed it and helped to excuse it,

Our family business was both a catalyst and a shield .... it gave this illness, which is like an octopus with many arms, respectability .... and by default I ended up operating like a single mum for most of our married life. Once we sold the business, I thought everything would balance out, and we would have the family time, balance, loving time spent together as a couple, etc .... exactly as you have described. Instead this illness became more diversified, intense, and invasive to all our relationships. I have been hanging on for dear life, and can clearly see that my husband requires intervention, and even then, it will be an ongoing battle as he unpacks all the underlying emotional crap ....

Well .... it's a case of either you're in or you're out .... so it means big girl pants, sucking things up, and making your way forward each day, as you know, You're in company here at least, as am I ....

I wish you all the very best for the new year, and look forward to chatting on a lighter note sometimes ....

I will tag you from a couple of other threads if you haven't found them already, and help you find your way around a bit ....

Take care.

🌷💜